|
|
The guy pulled out a knife and held it to Michael's throat and again
smiled
seeming to be amused.
Carly didn't think aboiut it she just closed her eyes and pulled the
trigger.She
felt something warm hit her face.She used her other hand to wipe her
face.When she opened her eyes she saw the man on the ground and she
had
shot him right in the chest.Carly let her arms fall to her side and
the gun
stayed in her hand.When she lifted her hand to see what was on it she
saw
blood.Carly's mouth dropped and her eyes were filled with tears.They
were
falling but the tears didn't lessen they got worse.She just stood there
and
held onto the gun barely.It hung loosely on her fingers edge.She started
to
pant trying to figure out some reasoning.After only a few mintues Jason
entered and saw Carly standing there.He saw the way she was panting
and
looking down.He followed her stare and saw a man in black dead lying
on
the ground,"Oh my god."
Carly didn't say anything she just stood there breathing faster and faster.
"Carly?"Jason waved his hand in front of her face.
Carly continued to look stunned.Jason looked at her silk gray clothes
that
had blood all over them.She even had some smeared on her face.Since
she
was so close it hit her.
"Carly,look at me."Jason knew she was going to need a few mintues.He
ran
downstairs and Johnny stood with a few other men,"Where the hell were
you?!Huh?"
No one answered just looked ashamed.
"I want that man taken cared of and get the room clean before the cops
come!"Jason ordered them and they followed his orders.He went back
to
Carly,"Carly."
Finally Carly began to speak,"I did it again."She cried and her gaze
went to
him,"Their going to send me back.Don't let them send me
back,Jason!Please!"Carly begged.
"No,Carly."Jason shifted her body to him,"I won't let them."
"But I shot another person,Jason!I shot someone again!Their going to
take
me back."Carly started to rock herself in the middle of the room,"I
did it
again.I can't believe I did it again."
"Carly,look at me."Jason made her turn back to him,"I promise your going
to stay here with me and Michael."He took her in his arms,"I won't
let them
take you away from me again."
Carly didn't quite understand,"You?Don't you mean Michael?"
"No.Although they won't take you from him either."Jason picked up Michael
and guided Carly downstairs.He laid Michael down downstairs and sat
Carly on the couch,"What happened?"
"I was...I went to Michael's room and that man was standing there."Carly
wiped the tears right before they hit her lips,"I took out your gun
and went
back to get him away from Michael.Jason,you have to understand I couldn't
let him hurt Michael.He was going to hurt OUR Michael.I couldn't let
him!"Carly shouted.
Jason tried to calm her down,"Carly,listen,I believe I just have to
know what
happened.I'll fix it,ok?Just tell me what happened."
"Ok."Carly sighed,"I held the gun to him and he smiled.He then pulled
this
knife out and held it to,"Carly cupped her face in her hands,"My baby's
throat."
"He held it to Michael's throat?"Jason was angered.
"Yes and then I,"Carly looked at him,"I didn't think like you told me too."
"Carly,he would have hurt Michael.You were acting out in self defense."
"I shot him.I couldn't let him hurt Michael,though.I couldn't."
"Carly,"Jason took her hands,"You don't have to explain anymore.Now,the
cops will probaly be here soon and I don't want you to give anything
away.So go upstairs,change,and try to get some rest,ok?I'll take care
of the
cops."Jason instructed.
"Ok."Carly nodded.Carly slowly stood and looked back at him,"I'm in
trouble,aren't I?"
"No.I'll take care of it.Now go."Jason told her and she went upstairs.Just
as
she left Johnny came in.Jason didn't want to believe this was all happening
tonight.They were suppose to be happy when she got back,"Did you take
off the mask?"
"Yes,sir."Johnny replied.
"Who was it?One of Moreno's guys?Who?"Jason had to know.
"It was Tony Jones,sir."Johnny regretted telling Jason this.
It would only make things worse,"What?!"Jason yelled.
"They took the mask off and it was Dr.Tony Jones."
"Oh,no."Jason wasn't sure what all this was going to do he was just
going
mintue by mintue,"Ok.Have the cops called yet?Have they arrived?"
"No but soon,sir."
"Ok is that mess taken cared of upstairs?"
"The best it could be."
"Alright.Where is the body?"
"It's being taken cared of until you give us the word."
"Ok,I want everyone to act normal.When Tagert or Mac or whoever comes
you act like nothing happened.Got that?"
"Yes,sir."Johnny said and stepped out.
Jason paced the front room constantly running his hands through his
close
cut hair.Carly must have been so scared.She was still terrified when
he
found her.She had calm down a little but Jason was sure she wasn't
ok
now.She was going to need a lot of his support and he was going to
give it
to her.He couldn't believe Tony had got to them...again.Jason was sort
of
glad Carly offed him.He knew it wasn't what she wanted or expected.She
would probaly be scarred for life after this.As if the last shooting
wasn't
enough.Should he tell her it was Tony?He couldn't lie but it wouldn't
help her
at all.She was safe for right now.Jason would do everything he could
to
make sure she stayed safe he wasn't going to lose her again after all
this.Then the much expected and anticipated knock was heard.
Carly walked into her room and closed the door.She was still hysterical.She
had blood all over her.She couldn't believe it happened again.She shot
someone again.She had shot for Michael again.What was it with her?She
always did things without thinking but this was so outrageous.She had
shot
two people.She slowly unbuttoned her silk shirt and had to take a quick
shower before going to bed.She turned on the knobs for the shower and
went over to the mirror.She still had blood smeared on her face along
with
tear stains along both her cheeks.She ran her bloody hands through
her
hair.She looked down at her hands.The blood,the death of a man was
on
her hands.She had blood on her hands from the Tony shooting but now
it
was death.Death was such a destructive word.It could destory a life.Lives
were destoryed with this word.Her life had been destoryed with this
word.Virginia's Death.Hearing about Virginia's death destroyed her
if it
wasn't for Jason and Michael she would have never made it.When she
almost caused Tony's death she was again destroyed but Jason and Michael
pulled her up again.They were her life preserver.She would have probaly
killed herself or went crazy by now if it wasn't for them.She stepped
into the
shower still sobbing as she washed the blood off her face and hand.She
found little specks all over her and when ever she closed her eyes
she would
picture herself opening them and seeing that man on the ground.She
wondered would they have to save her again?She turned off the water
and
pulled the towel off the rack to wiped her face.when she opened her
eyes
she saw the blood on her clothes.She wrapped the towel around her body
and stepped out of the shower.She got into her underwear and new clean
PJ's.She brushed her hair and threw the clothes in the bathroom trash.She
turned off the light and closed the door as she exited.She sat on her
bed and
pulled the covers over herself again.She tried to close her eyes but
the image
kept playing over and over again.She just turned to the window and
tried left
them open.What was she going to do?
Johnny opened the door and told Jason,"Detective Tagert's here to see
you."
Before Jason cold tell Johnny to let him in or go away tagert walked
in with
that smug look he always had when he thought he had something to harrass
Jason with,"Hello,Anger boy."
Jason was going to play it straight,"Tagert."Jason gave a slight nod.
"Well,I got a call about a shot fired here."Tagert looked around examining
everything.
"Listen,Tagert,Carly and Michael are sleeping.So please make this
quick.You want to arrest me.Do it."Jason was definitely acting like
himself.
"Is it ok if I search the place?"
"Do you have a warrant?"Jason second guessed.
"Do I need one?"Tagert was growing even happier by the second.Something
must have happened.
"No.I just don't appreciate you doing this right now.Like I said Carly
and
Michael are trying to sleep."Jason restated.
"Ok,"Tagert wiped his chin,"Why are you up so late?"
"Business."Jason answered.
"Oh."Tagert hissed,"Talk about giving a guy ideas."
"Are we done,Tagert?"Jason sighed.
"For now."Tagert replied and walked out.
As soon as the door closed behind Tagert.Jason went to check on
Carly.She was sitting up in her bed staring at her hands.Jason knew
right
then he probaly shouldn't tell her it was Tony she shot,"Carly?"
Carly rested her hands in her lap and looked up at Jason,"Oh.Hi,Jason."
"You ok?"Jason sat next to her.
"No."Carly laughed,"How am I just suppose to act like nothing happened?"
"Carly,it's going to be taken cared of."Jason knew how she must have felt.
"I can't do this.I have to confess.I have to do something!I mean I killed
someone!"Carly got out off her bed and hugged herself,"That man could
have had family,Jason!He could have thought he was going home tonight!A
wife..."Carly's tears started to fall again,"A Michael.He could have
had a
son."
"If he did he couldn't have did to Michael what he did.He couldn't have
held
a knife to Michael's throat."Jason was having second thoughts about
not
telling her it was Tony.
"You don't know that!You can't be sure!I mean we don't even know who
it
was!"Carly screamed in a rage.She was only mad at herself.
"Yes we do!"Jason spat out but regretted it.
"We do?Who?"Carly calmed herself a little.Jason turned away from
her.Carly grabbed his wrist and turned him back to her,"Please tell
me it was
some really bad guy.Some guy who murdered children or
something.Please."
Jason turned back to her and looked in er beautiful brown eyes.She looked
so scared.She needed to know.Jason couldn't hide the truth from her,"It
was
Tony Jones."
Carly's eye widen and again her mouth flew open,"To--"Carly stopped
and
fell to her knees.
"Carly!"Jason thought she was going to pass out.He kneeled down to
her,"Carly."
"Their going to think I did it on purpose!Their going to send me back!"Carly
yelled.
Jason wanted to help but didn't know how until Carly grabbed onto
him.Jason was a little surprised but wrapped his arms around her.She
gripped onto him continuing to sob quietly.Jason smoothed her hair
back
and whispered in her ear,"It's ok."He closed his eyes as he vowed,"I
won't
let anything happen to you."
Carly didn't want to let go of him.He was the only one she could trust
and
feel safe with.He was the only one who could save her.
Jason held Carly for a few hours until she fell asleep.When he saw her
eyes
were closed he picked her up carefully and laid her on her bed.But
he didn't
leave her.He couldn't he felt this urge to stay with her so he did.She
held
onto one of his hands.He laid next to her watching her rapid breathing.She
was very shocked.She had just shot Tony again.Except now he was
dead.The moonlight hit her face and brightened the room.Jason looked
at
how she occasionaly kind of moved like she was dreaming of something
bad.He would squeeze her hand to make sure she knew he was there and
then she would settle.He couldn't believe how much Carly trusted him.In
a
weird way it was like Sonny's trust in him.They never really questioned
it
they just took his word.She cared about Michael and Jason with everything
she had and Jason knew it.He just didn't know how to react.He cared
about
her a lot but he wasn't sure he cared about her in that way and now
with
Robin back he'd never know.He'd never figure out where his feelings
for
Carly lied.He looked at Carly and knew one thing in his heart and mind.He
would die before he let anything happen to her.
Carly groaned as the sun woke her up.She put her hand over her eyes
and
turned over.She then saw Jason asleep next her.He had such a blank
expression.He never showed any signal of what he was dreaming
about.Was it bad or good?She stroked his cheek and looked down to see
her other hand was still holding his.She wanted to cry when she remembered
why he was there.She had killed Tony.She sat up and looked at the sky
through the window,"Oh,god.Please forgive me."Right when she said that
Michael began to cry.
Jason popped up,"Michael."He looked over at Carly,"Are you ok?"
"Do you think he knows?"Carly's eyes were still red from all the cryingshe
had done.
"I hope not.And even if he does you saved him."Jason smiled.
Carly shook her head,"What you must think of me?"She stood and walked
out of the room saying nothing more.Jason went after her.She had went
to
Michael's room.Michael stopped crying when he saw Carly and Jason.
"What do you mean?"Jason asked.
"Tony.I killed him.The man I once loved I killed."Carly ran a hand through
her hair,"You must think I'm crazy."
"No."Jason pointed to Michael,"You saved him.Twice,Carly.You saved our
son.Tony...just didn't know he couldn't get away with it."
"You mean you don't think I'm the most horrible person in the whole
world?"
"No.I don't.You did what you did for Michael."
"Thank you,Jason."Carly hugged him,"You always understand.But I still
get
the feeling this isn't over."
"I know what you mean."Jason nodded,"But we should just relax.Maybe
we
could do something with Michael.Take him to the park or something."
"Yeah."Carly agreed to his suggestion.
They had to try and get past this.Who knew how long it would take.And
the
most important question was is Jason going to tell Robin?
They went to the park.Carly laid down their balnket and Jason along
with
Michael sat down.Jason looked over to her and saw that her eyes were
still
glassy.Like the smallest thing would make her cry.Jason's heart went
out to
her.When she felt bad he felt bad.It was just one of the many connections
they had.Carly didn't know he was looking at her she didn't care.She
got fed
up and slammed her hand on the ground,"I can't do this!"
Jason laid Michael down on the small nest and stood,"Carly,your going
to
drive yourself crazy."
"How can I not?!"Carly walked over to him and whispered,"I shot a
man,Jason!I can't just forget it!"
"He was a mean man and he would have killed Michael!"Jason retailiated.
Carly picked up Michael,"I want to go home,Jason.I can't just sit here
with
you and Michael ignoring everything that happened.So,please."Carly
took
Michael back to the car.
Jason gathered their things and followed her.
Over the next couple weeks Jason didn't let Carly or Michael out of
his
sight.He put all business on hold.The most important thing right now.The
days were ok they take Michael out or stay home doing different
things.They could tell Michael was loving it.Michael's grin never left
his
face.But nights weren't as easy.Carly would often wake up screaming
with
sweat covering her body.She told Jason that every night she dread going
to
sleep.She would only dream about shooting Tony.And the way she closed
her eyes one second to him being alive and when she opened them he
was
dead.She remembered trying to get all the blood off her hands.There
was
this one recurring dream.In the dream she would wash her hands over
and
over again but the blood would keep reappearing even though she washed
it
off.The blood would get worse and worse no matte how hard she tried
it
wouldn't come off.Jason often had to stay with her so that she would
go to
sleep.Lately he had been spending the night with her like the first
night he
found out she had shot Tony.He didn't mind at all.Seeing her sleep
made him
feel more comfortable than being with Robin.He kind of liked the idea
of
being the protector of Carly and Michael.He had a family.They were
it.And
now that Robin was gone he realized how much he missed the feeling
of just
having Carly and Michael under the same roof as him.When Carly was
gone
something was missing and even Robin couldn't feel the void that Carly
had
left.Jason often kept his arms around Carly feeling that he somehow
belonged with her like this.He wasn't sure how he'd tell Robin...anything.
It was the night before Robin was suppose to come home.Carly stood in
her
bathroom staring into the mirror trying to see something besides a
murderer.She couldn't understand how she could do those things.How
could
she kill a man she once loved?How could she love a man who could do
such things to her child?There was a time when only Tony mattered to
her
but now he was this nightmare she couldn't get rid of.Except asleep
or not
she saw the nightmare.There was no way to avoid it.She saw her tears
in the
mirror and could feel herself getting angry.Not just at Tony or his
actions but
at herself for caring for such a man.Carly balled up her fistand pounded
it
against the mirror as hard as she could.She kept pounding it and
screaming,"Stupid!"
Jason heard her screaming and called up the staircase to her,"Carly?"But
the
screaming crys kept going on.He ran up to her and when he entered her
room he turned to the bathroom seeing her destroying the mirror,"Carly!"He
shouted and went over to her.She had hit it so bad that the glass shattered
and was falling into the sink.Her tears covered her fist and tears
streamed
down her face.Jason grabbed her and she tried to get out of his hold
screaming,"I want to die!I can't do this!"
Jason sat her down on her bed.He had tears falling because he hated
to see
her do this to herself,"Carly,you have to stop this."
"No!I can't.I took another human being's life I don't deserve to live!I
should
be dead!I have hurt so many people!I should have shot myself when I
had
the chance!"Carly cried and screamed hating everything she had ever
done.
"No!I can't.I took another human being's life I don't deserve to live!I
should
be dead!I have hurt so many people!I should have shot myself when I
had
the chance!"Carly cried and screamed hating everything she had ever
done.
"Carly,no."Jason was crying in sync with her.
Carly nodded,"I don't deserve to be alive!I am horrible person!I've
never
done anything good for anyone!I have ruined so many people!I've killed
people!"Carly didn't even care about her cuts and scrapes she just
felt her
pain.
"Killed people?Carly,you shot Tony.It was one man."Jason tried to stop
his
crying but he couldn't she was still in too much pain.
"No!I've killed other people.Like Bobbie,Tony,Virginia,and so many poor
people who have had the misfortune of crossing my path!"Carly was crying
so bad that she could barely speak.
"How did you kill them?"
"Spirits.I killed their spirits.They were so happy and cheerful but
when they
met me they were dead.Their spirits were lost."Carly was so scared
when
she asked Jason,"Do you think it's because I have no soul?Is that why
I hurt
so many people without feeling anything?!"Carly began to
shout,"Jason,please tell me."
"Because no matter how many people you say you killed you saved
me!"Jason shouted.
"What?"Carly shook her head and continued to sob.
"Just when I thought that everyone who I loved everyone who was suppose
to care about was gone you came into my life and...with Robin and Sonny
gone I thought I had no family.I felt empty.I had nothing but you came
to me
one night and I've had a family ever since."
Carly gave him a thoughtful look and smile,"Really?"
Jason stroked her cheek,"If it wasn't for you I'd would have died a
long time
ago.Just like you said all those other people did.My spirit.My reason
for
living I would have lost it if you never came.I am so full now and
it's thanks
to you.You and Michael...your my family.Your all I've got.Don't take
that
away now.Please."
Carly hugged him,"Thank you,Jason.I won't."
Jason felt better knowing that she actually felt better,"No problem,Carly."
They pulled away from each other and Jason looked at her hands,"What
am
I going to do with you?"
Carly laughed and shrugged,"I don't know."
Jason loved to here her laugh.He missed it,"That's the first time you'e
laughed since you got back."
Carly sighed,"I haven't had much of a reason to laugh."
Jason nodded and looked into the bathroom,"Listen,I'll take care of
this stuff
and I'll be back to take care of those cuts ok?Stay put.No more breaking
mirrors."
"Ok."Carly agreed and sat in place while Jason cleaned up the
bathroom.She didn't understand how such a perfect guy would be so nice
to
her.She immediatly lost her train of thought as she unintentionally
looked at
her hand.The blood....it was all to familiar.She closed her eyes and
pictured
the pitch dark room.Tony lying there with this stunned look on his
face.Not
believing she'd pull the trigger again.She couldn't see his face but
his eye's
were wide and she could she he wasn't expecting it.But neither was
she.She
never thought for a second she'd shot Tony again.She'd shot anybody
again.It was too terrible to even think about.But she remembered the
whimpery sound Michael made,"No!!"Carly yelled.
Jason turned to her quickly,"Carly."He had picked up the glass and took
care of the bathroom best he could.He went back to Carly,"You ok?"
"No,Jason.I'll never be ok."Carly replied.
"Come on.Let's go get this taken cared of."Jason helped her up and they
went downstairs.She sat on the couch and he went to get his first aid
kit.Robin had bought it about a month ago.Jason didn't remember it
until
now.Jason didn't know what Robin was going to think.Carly was so scared
and fearful.How could he leave her without fearing something would
happen
to her?She had been watched by him constantly and the second he turned
his back she did this to herself.He grabbed the kit and walked back
out to
her.She had a balnk look on her face.She would often stare at nothing
for
hours.Jason sat next to her and took her had.As he was cleaning it
and
taking out the pieces of glass she whined quietly.When he was finished
he
lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently,"All better."
Carly smiled,"Thanks."She looked down at the small banaged,"Last time
I
break a mirror with my hand."She looked away from Jason and back at
the
floor,"I won't be able to go to sleep tonight.I can't close my eyes
without
seeing...it."Carly rubbed her face with both hands,"It's like I'm back
in that
godforsaken place."Carly stood and began to pace the room.
"Ferncliff?"Jason asked and sat back.
"Yeah.When I was in there nothing was right.I remember being in that
tiny
white room with nothing but my thoughts.It was pretty bad.I mean being
alone with nothing but your mind.I would stay in that horrible room
and I
couldn't sleep have of the time because the looneys would ramble all
night.I
thought for sure I'd go crazy but I tried to pull myself back from
that road
because I knew that if I walked down that road I'd never come back.Then
came the day of the week where they'd let us go outside."Carly giggled,"Big
gift."Carly sat next to him again and Jason was clinging on to her
every
word,"I'd run as fast as I could to the fence and I'd,"Carly began
to get
misty again,"I'd look out at the open fields that surrounded the place
thinking
about how you and Michael were somewhere out there with,"Carly let
out a
long sigh,"Robin."
"Carly,you know that I'd never--"
Carly cut him off,"No.Don't.No matter how much you tell me that my mind
and heart tell me different things.And when I was locked up in Ferncliff
that's
all I thought about.You can say what you want I'll still believe that.I
use to
think I'd go crazy.Being in there was enough to make you go crazy.I
still
look back on it as the worst time of my life that's why I haven't turned
myself
in.I love Michael but I hated that place.I'd do anything not to go
back
there.Ever."
"You won't,Carly.You won't and you don't have to go back.Your safe with
me and Michael."Jason assured her.
"This is a bad question and I shouldn't ask it but I have to.What happens
when Robin comes back?Will you tell her?Will I be left out?I mean I
know
you don't think it will happen in fact I'm not even sure why I'm asking
I
know what your going to say,'Carly,don't be silly.I'd never do anything
like
that to you.'But you know what Jason I can't help it.I can't help thinking
that
Robin was my replacement while I was gone and as soon as she comes
back she'll reclaim her title."Carly stood again and began to walk
away.
"Carly,"Jason stopped her,"You said what you had to.Now let me respond."
"What could you possibly say,Jason?"
"A lot."Jason told Carly and she came back to him,"Carly...I know you
think
Robin has some how replaced you but that's not true at all.You are
very
important to me and there's nothing and no one who could change that.Not
even Robin."
"Yea?"Carly was going to say but only managed to mouth the word.
"Yes."Jason said aloud,"Now go upstairs and try to get to sleep because
I
have to go get Robin tommorrow.We'll both need rest."
"That's right we wouldn't want you to miss her flight."Carly joked and
went
upstairs.Jason waited a couple of mintues before he went up after her.He
knew she'd wake him up in the middle of the night if he wasn't in there
watching over her but he knew and liked his role in her life.
The next morning when Jason woke up he was late.He opened his eyes and
hit himself when he looked at his watch to see the time.He rushed to
the
airport.Before he left he had made sure that two guys watched after
Carly.When he got to the airport he saw Robin with her luggage waiting
for
him.Jason put on a smile for her and Robin lit up when she saw him.Robin
ran to him and they hugged.Jason felt weird hugging her.His arms had
only
been around Carly for the past weeks.It's like he was only ment to
be
around Carly.It was a completely different feeling than before.Robin
use to
be the he wanted in any way.But now...things had changed.Robin pulled
back and started to ramble about her trip with Brenda.Jason could barely
make out her voice.He was too busy thinking and worrying about
Carly.Was she ok?Did she know he wasn't there?Was she trying to hurt
herself in some way?Did she think Robin was going to take her place?Was
that the reason she didn't think she belong?He ran a hand through his
hair
and put and arm around Robin as they walked out of the airport.When
they
got into the car Robin finally noticed how distant Jason seemed,"Jason?"
Robin's call out to him made him snap out of his thoughts,"What?"
"What's wrong you seemed a million miles away just now?"Robin didn't
like
his expression.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?Is it Carly did she do something?Is she acting weird about us?"
"No,it's not Carly.I just haven't been sleeping much lately."Jason excused
himself.
Robin grinned,"Aww.Did you miss me?"
Jason laughed nervously,"That must be it."
Robin laid her head on his shoulder,"Your so sweet."
"That's me.The sweet guy."Jason repeated and lost himself in his thoughts
of
Carly yet again.
Carly woke up and when she saw Jason wasn't next to her she quickly
went
downstairs.She walked over to the phone and started to think aloud,"I
should just do it now.I should just confess.That way they can't...it
might look
better if I turn myself in.Maybe it will look better than if Jason
told them.If he
turned me in I'd never see Michael again for sure.I don't want to go
back.I
can't go back."She rested her hands on either side of the phone and
bowed
her head,"I should just get this over with."Her had quivered as she
picked up
the phone and dialed the number.Her voice shaked as she asked,"May
I
speak to Detective Tagert?"The lady connected her and Carly tried to
confess but hung up the phone quickly.She couldn't do it.She fell to
the floor
and pulled her knees to her chest.She cried into her hands which she
rested
in her lap.She was such a coward.She couldn't just fess up.She hit
her fist
against Jason's desk.Jason heard the pund echo.He burst into the penthouse
and walked over to her,"Carly?"
Carly continued to cry as Robin entered behind Jason,"I couldn't do
it.I was
going to do it but I couldn't."
"Do what?What were you going to do?"Jason asked.
"I was going to tell on myself.I was going to do it."Carly sniffled,"But
I
chickened out.Now you and barbie are going to do it."
Robin stood in the doorway,"What the hell's going on?"
"Nothing."Jason told Robin and helped Carly to her feet.
Carly shook him off,"I can take care of myself."Carly looked at him
scared
and angry,"I just have to rest that's all."Carly left and Jason was
alone with
Robin.
Robin knew something was going on,"What is it?!"
Jason turned to Robin.He tried to see what he had before Carly got
back.The woman he loved.The woman he wanted to marry.He was
suppose to want a future with Robin and when he looked at her he felt
nothing.How could his feelings have changed so much in only a couple
short
weeks?He felt guilty for not having feelings for her.His mind was telling
him
to assure Robin everything was ok but his heart told him to run after
Carly.
Robin's eyes flooded with tears,"Something happened.Between you two
didn't it?"
Jason struggled to do something but only managed a nod.
"Something bad and now you..."Robin put her hand to her mouth,"You want
her,don't you?"
"I'm sorry.I never ment for this to happen."
"It just happened,right?"Robin wiped the tears falling,"You know,while
I was
with Brenda she told me something might happen but I told her that
you
would never do that to me because you loved me but look at us.Your
trying
to tell me you never ment for it to happen well let me tell you
something,Jason.It doesn't matter wheter or not you ment for it to
happen!It
did!You have Carly and I have nothing."Robin let out her feelings
out,"So...did you sleep with her?"
"No."
"Did you kiss her?"Robin asked.
"No,Robin."
"Then what?What changed your minds about us?Why did your feelings for
Carly change?"Robin needed some explaination but Jason couldn't give
it to
her.
"I wish I could tell you."Jason tried to touch her but she stepped away.
"You don't have to.I'll find out for myself if I have to."Robin kissed
his
cheek,"I won't lose you.She'll pay.I'm going to find out why this happened
wheter you want me to or not."Robin walked out and Jason went up after
Carly.
Carly wasn't in her room she was in Michael's room.Jason stepped in
behind
her,"I'm sorry I left you alone."
Carly turned around to him,"Why?You shouldn't be sorry for leaving me
alone.I should have been ok but I wasn't."She shook her head from left
to
right,"I'm not ok,Jason.Why is that?I mean how did I get this screwed
up?I
am the only one who knows these answers and it kills me not knowing
what
to respond."
"Carly,there are a lot of reasons why you're like this."Jason said gripping
her
shoulder.
"No.I have got to stop that!The only reason I'm like this is because
of me.I
have been tearing myself apart trying to find someone to blame but
I know
now that it's me.It's all me.It's my fault.Not one person has done
this to me.I
have inflicted this all on myself.I am not healthy.I'm not sane I shot
and killed
a man,I bashed a mirror in,and I have been driving myself insane.They
should just lock me up and throw away the key."Carly walked past him
and
back downstairs.
Jason followed her and tried to make her realize that she was not to
blame,"Carly."He called after her while following her.
"I 've been thinking,"Carly ran her hand through her hair,"A lot lately
and
looking at my life.I react to everything wrong and I always think the
worst of
people.Or I'm just plain wrong about them and if you take all of my
bad
choices and added them up you'd have a sin for every person in Port
Charles!I can't even look at myself in the mirror.I can't,"Carly struggled
with
the words but managed to get them out,"I can't be around Michael.It's
not
right for him to see me like this.I have been messed up since his been
born.I've tried but I'll never get better."Carly was so sincere with
all her
words.She loved Michael with all her heart and she didn't want to hurt
him in
anyway. Jason wanted to hug her and make all the pain go away but knew
he couldn't so he asked,"How can I help?"
"Help?Jason,don't you see you can't help me!No one can help me!"Carly
cried and waved her hands violetnly as she spoke.
"You use to think it was ok to need my help."Jason said sadly.
Carly was facing away from him,"Yeah,well,after shooting a man twice
and
eventually killing him,almost losing my sanity,and almost losing a
son you
tend to get a little skeptical of people's help."
Jason walked up behind her and hesitated for a moment but ended up
wrapping his hands around her upper arms.Carly closed her eyes and
wanted to hit him off her but she was too confused to do anything.Jason
leaned his head to her ear and began to whisper,"I'll help you any
way I
can,Carly.I won't disappoint you."
Carly shook her head slightly and his words made her tears fall more
frequently,"Jason,I know you don't want to hear this,"Carly shrugged
him off
and walked away from him again,"But you already have."Carly nodded
to
herself,"You know,what Jason?We should just be completely honest with
each other.I mean maybe if you were burned by me a little you would
stop
insisting on helping."Carly put her hands on her hips,"When I was stuck
in
that hell hole all I could think about was you.I mean I would always
have
Michael on my mind but you..."Carly took a deep breath and her voice
began to shake,"You,"Carly pointed to him,"Your the one who had me
going out of my mind.All I could think was somehow you touching or
kissing
Robin would erase any memories of me.Maybe you wouldn't get me out.Or
maybe Michael wouldn't know I was his mother because you forgot to
tell
him I loved him one day.Either way you would ruin any family or progress
I
had made in my life."Carly let her hands fall and she sat on the couch.Jason
stood by the window looking out and listening to everything Carly was
saying.Their backs faced each other as Carly continued,"And Robin,well,
you handle that wonderfully."She laughed,"You know that's the first
time you
really let me down."Carly looked down and remembered all those things
she
had thought while she was locked away from everything she knew,"You
just
let her back into your life and your heart after everything she did
to
you."Carly could never get this about him,"She made you feel like nothing
and she left you but you let her come back to you no questions asked,just
let
her back.And it's so unfair that you would do that because as long
as I was
here with you--you never once let me into the territory you let her
tred on.I
would've never taken you for granted but when you did that it made
me feel
like everything I did was for nothing."Carly stood back up and walked
to the
middle of the room.Jason turned to her and saw how badly she was
crying.All the tears were begining to take over her voice as she struggled
to
yell at him,"I have never done to you what she did!And I never would've
but
she wanted back so I was just a complication.I mean...what is it about
me
that makes you so disgusted?"Carly shook her head,"Is it Tony?Is it
because
A.J.'s Michael's father?Is it just that I'm totally untrust worthy?Is
it because
I've hurt so many people?What?"Carly begged and pleaded for an
answer,"What have I done wrong?Was it something I did?What did I do
wrong?"
Jason turned to her and tried to hold back his tears as he responded
to
her,"Your right.About everything."He approached her so that they were
only
a few inches apart.He the back of his hand to wipe away the tears falling
down her cheek,"It's not your fault.It's had nothing to do with you."
Carly pushed his hand away,"Then why don't you care about me the way
you do Robin?What's she got that I don't?"Carly took adeep breath and
looked him dead in the eyes,"You may think I'm strong or whatever but
I am
not.I refuse to be anything without you and the fact that you don't
want
me,"Carly couldn't look in his eyes anymore so she looked down and
tucked at her shirt,"It hurts,Jason.It hurts really bad."
Jason placed his hands on her face and forced her to look back at him.She
made her eyes look the other way and Jason pulled her face to his.Carly
closed her eyes when Jason kissed her.Jason was so sick of trying to
act
like a friend to Carly.He was more than that and know he knew for sure
that
they both knew.Carly's eyes were closed even after the kiss was over.Jason
smiled at her look when she opened her eyes and he slightly laughed
at her
question,"What'd you do that for?"
"Because I do want you,Carly."
"But...that doesn't make since.Your suppose to hate me right now."
"I don't hate you.I'm glad you told me everything.I want to be with
you,Carly.Do you want me?Or did I screw it up?"
"Jason,this whole thing--situation is weird.Maybe we should just go
to our
seperate corners for the night.I mean think about what your telling
me it's
completely outrageous."Carly suggested nerously.
"I don't have to think.Do you?Am I scaring you,Carly?"Jason teased.
Carly held her head a little higher,"I'm not scared of anything."
"Good."Jason said before pulling her into another kiss.
Carly wanted to resist him because this wasn't going to help her at
all.She
tried to push him away but couldn't make her muscles move.Instead of
pushing him away she pulled him closer.She put his hands on her waist
and
wrapped her arms around his neck.She wanted to stop him.She should
have
stopped him but she couldn't She had wanted this to happen for so
long.They had kissed before but it didn't mean anything.Now,for some
reason beyond her knowledge it ment something.Jason didn't think at
all he
just felt.He let his heart guide him.He never knew how much Carly ment
to
him until he was close to losing her a second time.Now that he knew
he
didn't want anything to come between them.They slowly made their way
to
Jason's bedroom and Jason closed the door behind them.As Jason closed
the door behind him the front door opened.
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