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Jason cleared his throat. He clearly needed to exit
the scene, but knew
he shouldn’t leave the two women alone on the side of
a highway. He was
proud of Carly for telling the truth, although the pain
on both women’s
faces was clearly evident. It had been silent
for five agonizing
minutes, and Jason decided that now would be the time
to move far enough
away so he could not hear them, but stay close enough
to see them.
He opened his mouth to explain how he would do just that
when Carly
spoke, startling them all.
“Did you hear me? I’m your daughter.” she said,
anger biting her voice.
She knew there was no way to keep her true feelings from
showing now.
She was angry and Bobbie was just going to have to deal
with it. Carly
had dealt with the feeling of abandonment and being unwanted
all of her
life…she was sure Bobbie could handle *one* unpleasant
conversation.
Carly prepared herself for her lecture that she’d practiced
so many
times, if this particular occasion should arise.
But what Bobbie did
next, Calry wasn’t expecting, and it threw her completely
for a loop.
“You’re my baby?” Bobbie whimpered, tears streaming down
her face. She
looked unsteady on her feet, and she wobbled back and
forth like a
newborn deer.
Carly took a step toward her, instinctinvely reaching
out to steady this
woman she hardly knew, but felt a deep and surprising
connection to.
Before she could grab onto Bobbie’s arms, Bobbie fell
forward onto the
ground, her knees hitting the dirt with a dull thud.
Bobbie stayed there, kneeling in prayer position, seemingly
shocked.
She looked up at Carly with wide eyes, reaching both
arms up to her.
Rivers of mascara cascaded down her cheeks, blurring
her vision. Bobbie
felt a wail rise up in her throat. She felt agony
and relief at the
same time, and it was tearing her heart in two.
“Oh God, my baby!” Bobbie wailed, her cries piercing the
night air with
ferocious intensity.
Carly looked at Jaosn, tears filling her eyes. She
felt completely and
totally helpless. She had no idea what to do.
Half of her wanted
desperately to help this woman who was so clearly in
pain. She wanted
to go to her, pick her up off the ground and hug her,
taking away some
of the pain she was feeling. The other half though,
wanted to walk
away, let her feel the pain all alone, the way Carly
had her whole life.
She wanted to let this woman know what it felt like to
need someone and
they weren’t there.
Jason stared back at Carly, then looked at Bobbie on the
ground, still
crying, still reaching out to her daughter. If
Carly wasn’t going to
help her, he was. He stared back at Carly again,
willing her to do
something. Carly looked pained, confused.
She stood rooted to the
spot, torn between conflicting instincts.
Jason swung his leg over his bike and got off, glancing
one more time at
Carly before doing what he was about to do.
He knew this might make
Carly mad at him, but he had to do it. It seemed
wrong to let her
flounder there on the ground, in the dirt, so obviously
in pain. He
placed a hand gently on Carly’s back as he moved by her,
in effort to
let her know that he was still on her side no matter
what.
“Bobbie, come on,” Jason murmured as he bent down to the
crumpled woman
on the ground. He hooked his hands under her arms
and gently lifted her
to her feet. Dirt and dust covered her nurses scrubs
from the knees
down. She stood there, limp in Jason’s arms, unable
to hold herself up.
Her eyes never left Carly’s.
Bobbie had felt Jason pick her up but didn’t have the
strenght to stand
on her own. She couldn’t take her eyes of her daughter.
She tried to
draw strength from within herself, to stand on her own,
look this woman
squarely in the eye, and say what she needed to say.
Bobbie knew she had
to pull herself together. There was no other way
to get through this.
Becoming a blubbering mess on the ground was not at all
what she’d
envisioned for this day. Of course, Carly’s reaction,
or lack thereof,
was not what she’d envisioned either. She took
a deep breath, a gulp
really, of air and finally turned to look at Jason.
The strength
returned to her legs almost immediately, and she shifted
on her feet a
little, to let him know that she was solid on the ground
again.
“I’m okay,” she whispered, smiling gratefully at him.
Jason let her go, but stood close by for a few seconds,
to make sure she
was indeed okay as she’d said. He stole a glance
at Carly, and instead
of angry, she looked grateful.
Carly was glad that Jason had helped Bobbie. She
knew somehow that she
should have, but couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She was too angry.
More angry than she’d ever been. But it was a different
anger. It
wasn’t raging, it wasn’t hysterical. Her anger
was deep and had been
builging for twenty-two years. Anger that festerd
over that many years
usually didn’t come flying out in a fit of rage.
It had churned deep
within her at times, allowing fury to surface about smaller,
less
important things. It had settled at times, changing
into feelings of
hurt and disappointment, then at the oddest times, had
turned back into
a boiling ocean of ire…sometimes what Carly even considered
hatred.
Looking at this red-headed beauty now, and all the pain
that was evident
in her eyes, Carly knew it was never hatred. She
could never hate this
woman. Dislike her, maybe. Resent her, definitely.
But hate her…she
seemed too real for that.
Jason’s voice broke into her thoughts. “I’m going
to go right over
there,” he said, pointing to his left, to nowhere in
particular. “I’m
going to be close enough to see you, but I think you
need your privacy.”
Bobbie nodded, not tearing her eyes away from Carly this
time, but
acknowledging Jason’s gesture.
Carly looked slightly panicked. God, this was hard
enough as it was.
Without Jason there…her mother and her *alone*?!
It seemed unbearable.
Jason recognized her hesitation, and went to her.
He leaned in, placing his face next to hers and whispereing
in her ear.
“I’ll be right there,’ he said softly, putting one arm
around her waist
and blocking her temporarily from Bobbie’s view.
Carly nodded, tears springing to her eyes at this unexpected
gesture of
caring from Jason. “Okay,” she croaked weakly,
throwing her arms around
his neck for a hug, praying that she’d gain some type
of strength from
him.
“It’ll be okay, Carly,” he whispered. “This is a
good thing, right?”
He smiled slightly as he pulled away from her, letting
his hands linger
on her shoulders and gazing into her eyes before completely
turning
away.
The lump in Carly’s throat swelled as he disappeared into
the darkness.
She turned back to face her mother and felt weak.
She now understood
how Bobbie could fall to the ground, she felt like doing
the exact same
thing.
Bobbie cleared her throat, now having completely gained
her wits about
her. She had observed the interaction between Carly
and Jason with more
than casual interest. It surprised her, since she
hadn’t even know that
the two knew each other. She eyed Carly, smiling,
wondering if this was
a good segway into her first real conversation with her
daughter.
“I didn’t know you knew Jason Quartermaine,” she remarked
casually,
trying to keep her tone light.
Carly stared daggers at her and Bobbie instantly realized
this was the
wrong subject to broach. She swallowd hard, feeling
dizzy all of a
sudden, and wished she could take back the last ten seconds.
“I *don’t* know Jason Quartermaine, and I hear he’s dead,”
Carly
remarked callously, the anger inside of her overtaking
any other
instincts she may have had. “That man, over
there, is Jason *Morgan*
and he is none of your business.”
Carly paused, before adding, “and neither am I.”
Bobbie stepped back, stung. She’d expected this
reaction. As soon as
Luke told her that Carly Roberts was indeed her daughter,
any thoughts
of a warm and fuzzy reunion were gone. Bobbie didn’t
know much about
Carly Roberts, but she knew the girl wasn’t exactly miss
mary sunshine.
According to Luke, she was a handful: arrogant
on the outside, but
vulnerable below the surface. A real firecracker,
he’d described her.
A true Spencer.
This last thought made Bobbie choke. “Oh Carly,”
she lamented, moving
toward her again. Carly shuddered, jumping back.
Bobbie ignored this,
and tried again.
“Carly,” she murmured, fresh tears springing to her eyes.
“I’m so glad
I found you.”
Carly’s face twisted into a sardonic smile. “Oh
god,” she exclaimed,
looking skyward. She lauged, a bitter laugh at
her misfortune. “Were
you looking hard, Bobbie?” she muttered sarcastically.
Bobbie shook her head. She wouldn’t get into a fight
with Carly. She
vowed it to herself. “I was,” she said quietly,
looking around at her
surroundings. “As soon as Luke told me who you
were, I went to find
you. The landlord said you moved out of your apartment.”
She gestured
toward the bag secured to the bike. “Carly, plese
don’t leave.”
Carly laughed again, this time it sounded more shrill,
almost desperate.
“What do you care? You went twenty-two years without
the pleasure of
knowing me, you can go twenty-two more. By then
you’ll be too old to
care.”
Bobbie nodded, resolved to explain herself. If Carly
was leaving, she
couldn’t stop her, but she’d say what she had to say
if it killed her.
“You’re right, I could go another twenty-two years.
But I don’t want
to, Carly. It’s the last thing I want to do.
I never thought I’d get
this opportunity, to talk to you in person, face to face.
To see what a
beautiful woman you’ve grown in to.”
Carly looked down, scraping her foot against the ground,
making almost
invisible lines in the dirt. She didn’t say anythign.
She couldn’t.
Even if she never admitted it, she’d waited her whole
life to hear the
words Bobbie was saying.
“I’ve got to say some things, Carly,” Bobbie said, almost
pleading for
her daughter to listen. “If you’re going to leave,
I’ve got to say them
now. Or I’ll never forgive myself for what I did
to you.”
Carly looked up, shocked. “Forgive yourself?” she
whimpered, not sure
she’d heard the words right. Her eyes were wide,
and she looked more
like her mother at that moment than ever before.
Bobbie smiled slightly. “Yes,” she said, nodding
her head. “They say
in order for someone else to forgive you, you have to
forgive yourself
first. I have to resolve the choices I made over
twenty years ago,
somehow come to terms with them. Then maybe I can
ask you to try and
forgive me for them.”
Carly began to cry. First a little sniffle, then
sobs that came faster
and harder. She covered her face with her hands,
sadness wracking her
body. Her small frame shook violently as the wind
began to blow, and
Bobbie feared that she’d be knocked down completely.
Bobbie stepped toward her daughter, wanting desperately
to take her into
her arms and comfort her. She reminded herself
that Carly wasn’t a
little girl anymore, and wouldn’t believe her if Bobbie
told her
everythign would be okay. But still, it was an
instinct Bobbie culdn’t
ignore. She took a few more steps, until she was
at arms length of
Carly. She reached out, and put her hands lightly
on Carly’s shoulders,
almost not touching them at all. When Carly didn’t
react, Bobbie
encircled her daughter fully into her arms, squeezing
her tightly.
Carly let her mother hold her. She kept her hands
to her face, allowing
her arms to keep them a small distance apart, as though
it was a point
that Carly had to prove. She wouldn’t let
her mtoher get so close that
she could ever hurt her again.
Bobbie held Carly as best she could, her sobs the only
sound between
them. Bobbie blinked her eyes hard, trying to keep
her tears from
falling. She never in a million years thought she’d
have the chance to
comfort this daughter of hers. She began to think
of more things she
felt she needed to say if Carly was indeed going to leave
town tonight.
“I’ve thought about doing this every day of my life, Carly,”
Bobbie
admitted, as much to herself as to her daughter.
“I remember every inch
of you when you were born. It’s memorized, in my mind.
And whenever I
would think about you, that’s the picture I got.
Now you’re grown, and
you’re so beautiful. I knew you’d be this beautiful.
Somehow I knew…”
Carly’s sobs had subsided now, but she still stood with
her hands
covering her face, Bobbie’s arms still around her.
Bobbie continued speaking, not caring if she wasn’t making
any sense.
She needed to say things before her rational mind told
her not to.
Before Carly told her not to. Bobbie began
stroking her hair, pushing
stray locks back toward her ponytail.
“When they put you in my arms at the hospital, I knew
I shouldn’t have
decided to give you up. But I couldn’t do anything
about it then. I
was sixteen, and scared, and stupid. I’ve waited
so long to hold you
like this, and tell you these things. To make things
okay for you…”
Carly jumped back at these words, violently shaking out
of Bobbie’s
grasp. Her eyes, red and puffy from crying, were
now angry. “You can’t
make things okay for me!” she shouted, aware that her
mood had swung
like a pendulum, but unable to stop herself. “You
missed your chance!
I have to make things okay for myself now. I’m not a
little girl anymore
who needs a mother. That ship sailed long ago.”
The words were venemous, and Carly knew it, but didn’t
care. In her
mind, they were justified. They were the truth.
She had one question to
ask, and she couldn’t keep herself from spitting it out.
“Just tell me one thing, Bobbie Spencer, and I’ll be on
my way. What
was it about me that made you want to throw me to the
wolves? Or better
yet, what was it about BJ and Lucas that made you keep
them? Cause
maybe in my next life I’ll strive to be more like them
and less like
me.”
Bobbie was horrified at Carly’s words. “Carly,”
she gasped. “You
couldn’t be more wrong.”
Carly smirked at this, folding her arms over her chest.
“What else is
new?”
“Oh Carly,” Bobbie murmured, shaking her head. “Every
day of my life
I’ve regretted giving you up. It was the biggest
mistake I’ve ever
made. I’ll probably never forgive myself
for it. Lord knows I’ve
tried and just can’t seem to. I can’t…”
Bobbie stopped talking as the headlights of another car
approached, but
instead of speeding by, it slowed and turned onto the
dusty lip of the
highway. Carly looked behind her, not able to see
a thing but the
blaring headlights. She could hear Jason’s footsteps
approaching from
the left of them and silently thanked him for being there.
“I’m hurt,” a familiar voice drawled as the person driving
got out of
the car. “I didn’t get *my* inviatation to the
family reunion.”
It was Luke Spencer.
“Fabulous,” Carly muttered, whirling around to face him.
“Could you
kill those lights?” she snapped, still shielding her
eyes from the
blinding glare. “I can’t see a thing.”
Luke feignd a hurt expression. “Sorry, sorry,”
he muttered, retreating
to the car and ducking inside for a quick second.
He was back out and
at his sister’s side before Carly could blink.
Jason had approached and
was standing protectively at Carly’s side.
“Are you ready to go?” Carly asked, looking at Jason.
She didn’t even
grace Luke and Bobbie with a glance.
Jason nodded, but made no move to get on the bike.
“Carly, don’t,” Bobbie pleaded, taking astep toward
her again. “Don’t
disappear, please. Please. I don’t think I could
stand it if the only
time I got to see you in my life was for this short time.”
She knew her
argument was weak, but it was the truth.
“I’m not going to stand here and take his abuse,” Carly
interjected,
gesturing toward Luke.
Bobbie looked up at Luke, a confused look shrouding her
features. Luke
plastered an expression of pure innocence on his face.
“I have no idea what she’s talking about, Barbara Jean,”
he lamented.
“She *started* a fight in my bar, he *fought* the fight
in my bar…” he
began gesturing toward Carly and Jason as she spoke about
them.
“They’re the ones dishing out the abuse.”
Luke was kidding, but Bobbie didn’t take him as such.
“Luke!” she
exclaimed, determined to stick up for Carly and to show
her daughter
where her loyalties lay.
Jason raised his eyebrows at Lukes comments, tipping his
head to the
side and running a hand over his forehead. “They
were in the middle of
something,” he said dryly.
“I’m aware of that, kid,” Luke muttered. “I came
to find my sister and
bring her home. She’d be walking the streets all
night looking for
her,” he pointed at Carly. “But, I see you found
her and it looks to me
that things aren’t exactly peachy.”
Bobbie, desperate to keep Carly from leaving, had to find
some way to
reign in her boisterous and usually insensitive brother.
“Please, just
give us a few more minutes,” she glanced from Jason to
Luke as she said
this. “Please?”
Carly offered no protest, and Jason felt comfortable leaving
again.
“Just let me know when you want to go, okay?” he said,
putting a hand on
the back of Carly’s head and rubbing her hair.
Carly nodded and looked at him gratefully. She knew
he’d whisk her away
if she just asked him to. Knowing she had an out,
made her feel a
little more in control of the situation. She found
the strength to
confront Luke.
“Do you *mind*?” Carly snapped, bringing a smile to Bobbie’s
face. It
was exactly what Bobbie was about to say. Carly’s
eyes were wide, her
head tilted to the left where Jason had just gone, indicating
Luke to
follow his lead.
Luke held up his hands in mock surrender. He dropped
them though, when
he thought of a question he apparently felt was his business.
“Is Jason
Quartermaine like your *boyfriend* now?”
Carly let out a short burst of incredulous laughter.
“Oh god,” she
groaned, throwing her head back and shaking her pony
tail. “What is
*with* you people and your fascination with Jason Quartermaine?”
Bobbie shot a warning look toward Luke. He paid no heed.
“It’s not Jason Quartermaine, specifically,” Luke confided,
as though he
was telling Carly a huge secret. “It’s any Quartermaine.
I’m not sure
I’m comfortable with a Quartermaine-Spencer union.
It’s very…nerve
wracking. Those worlds don’t mix. They get
together,they explode, you
know?”
Calry rolled her eyes. It was the most ridiculous
thing I’ve ever
heard. “As flattered as I am that you already think
of me as part of
the family, I am not a Spencer. And Jason is *not*
a Quartermaine
anymore. Not that it’s any of your business anyway,”
she added, shaking
her head.
“Luke,” Bobbie interjected. “Do you mind?”
she said, unintentionally
mimicking her daughter from just a moment ago.
She pointed toward his
car, anywhere to get him away from Carly.
When he’d gone, she looked sympathetically at her daughter.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered, almost laughing at how infuriating
he could
be at times.
Carly shook her head, brushing it off. “He doesn’t
bother me, really,”
she said. “He’s kind of funny.”
Bobbie snorted. “He *thinks* he is anyway.”
Carly smiled a bit, and even chuckled.
It was the first sort of normal exchange between the two
women. Bobbie
relished in it. She decided to try to keep the
tone light…it was
obvious Carly had no intention of sticking around very
much longer.
“Listen Carly,” she said, trying to sound as normal as
possible. “This
didn’t go exactly as I’d always thought it would.
Okay,” she laughed,
coming to a realization. “It wasn’t even close.
But I don’t wish it
didn’t happen. I know you’re hurt and your first
instinct is to run
away. But remember why you came here in the first
place. Please know
that I would like to be in your life, if you want.
Under *your* terms
of course, but anything would be considered a gift to
me. You are
beautiful, intelligent, and remarkable, and I would be
honored to be
able to get to know more about you. If you don’t
need a mother
anymore…I know I missed out on that time…I’d like to
try to be your
friend.”
Bobbie pulled a business card out of her purse and held
it out to Carly.
She noticed the tears streaming down Carly’s cheeks,
but didn’t mention
them. Carly stared at the card in her mother’s
hand.
“It’s where you can reach me, anytime,” Bobbie said gently.
“You have
the power. You come to me if you want. I
won’t pressure you. You
don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to ever see
me again if you don’t
want to. But if you do, I’ll be there.”
Carly sniffed, slowly reaching for the card. When
it was finally in her
hands, she stared down at it, turning it over and over.
“I wasn’t there before, but I will be now,” Bobbie
said before turning
and quickly walking toward Luke’s car where he was waiting.
She had to
leave before she lost her cool. Before she burst
into tears and begged
Carly not to leave town. Now it was out of her
hands. She could only
hope and pray that Carly would stick around and eventually,
call her.
As Luke’s car sped away, Carly felt her resolve crumbling.
She was
sobbing openly now, and felt her legs turn rubbery beneath
her. She
felt herself begin to fall, but couldn’t help herself.
It was as though
she was in slow motion. Suddenly, she felt Jason’s
strong arms encircle
her and pull her back up. Carly leaned into him,
tucking her arms
inside his jacket and grasping his waist.
She held Jason so tightly he could barely breathe.
But he didn’t care.
He just knew he had to be there for her. He held
her that way,
listening to her sob into his chest.
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Innocence
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