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January 11, 1999
Buffy Summers stepped off the bus into the chill night air. Pulling
her coat more tightly around her, she
looked around curiously. << That's odd. It's not
usually this cold in Sunnydale. >> Her eyes scanned
quickly over the faces of the people in the waiting area of the station
as she entered. A pall seemed to have
settled over the sleepy town of Sunnydale; it was almost as if the
entire town was in a perpetual state of
mourning. Shaking the eerie feeling, she continued scanning the
crowd. Finally spotting the subject of her
search, she smiled broadly and ran to him.
"Angel!" she cried, throwing herself into his arms. After holding
tightly to him for several minutes, she pulled
back. Looking into his eyes, she saw something there she didn't
expect. There was happiness there, she
was relieved to see, but there was something else as well, something
dark and foreboding. She shivered
slightly and then broke the disturbing gaze. After an awkward
minute, she looked back up into his face. "Do
you want to tell me what's wrong?" she pleaded quietly.
"No," Angel said curtly, his voice full of something Buffy couldn't
define. Anger? Pain? Sorrow? He turned
away from her and started walking toward the door of the station.
"Let's go," he called to her over the station.
"We don't have long to get to the library."
With the thought of the library and her friends, Buffy's mood brightened.
She followed after Angel happily,
running to catch up with him. "Are they waiting for us?
Is that why you're in such a hurry? I bet they're waiting
there to surprise me! You weren't supposed to tell them I was
coming home, but that's okay. I've missed
them. Even Cordelia! Can you believe that? How's
Giles? And Willow? And Xander? Is everything okay?
You guys haven't been having too many problems have you? I didn't
think..."
"Would you please just shut up?" Angel hissed, interrupting her babbling.
"And, believe me, you should be
happy I didn't tell anyone you were coming."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked confusedly. When Angel
didn't answer her, she pulled on his
arm to spin him around and demanded again, "What's that supposed to
mean?"
"You'll find out soon enough," Angel said cryptically. "Just don't
worry about it right now. Now, if you don't
mind, I'm trying to get you there without getting you killed.
Let go of my arm and let's go," he said pointedly,
tugging his arm free of her grip and hurrying along the street toward
the library.
<< Okay, I am definitely confused here, >> Buffy decided.
Then she shrugged her shoulders and followed
quickly after Angel, who continued in silence until they reached the
high school.
As they walked down the hallway to the library, Angel gathered his thoughts,
preparing what to say to Buffy.
When they reached the double doors of the library, he paused and turned
toward the blonde Slayer. He
stared at her thoughtfully for a moment, pondering the situation before
deciding what to do next. Shrugging,
he opened the door to the library and ushered Buffy in. Entering
the library, Angel called out to the person
who he knew would be found somewhere in its depths, "Giles! Someone's
here to see you!"
"What?" Giles asked, emerging from the demonology section of the stacks.
He stared down at the girl
standing next to Angel and then made his way down the stairs.
"H-hello," he greeted her coldly, his voice
distracted. Walking quickly past her, he placed his books on
a nearby table and turned to Angel. "He hasn't
returned yet," he informed the vampire worriedly. "Do you think
there's a problem?"
Smiling wryly, Angel shook his head. "I doubt it, but I can go
check if you want. He might've just gone to
see Willow. He does that sometimes when it's slow. For
some reason, they're not out tonight. Nobody
bothered us on our way here from the station."
"That's odd," the British Watcher returned. "Every night this
week has shown a large amount of vampiric
activity."
Buffy tilted her head and stared at the two men who were virtually ignoring
her. "Maybe they heard I was
coming," she said darkly and then turned swiftly when she heard sharp
laughter coming from behind her.
Snapping into battle mode, she pulled a stake out of her sleeve and
prepared to launch herself at the
vampire. She froze in her tracks, however, when she saw that
the laughter wasn't coming from a vampire at
all, but rather from Xander Harris.
"Xander!" she cried happily, running to pull him into a hug. When
Xander winced when she put her arms
around him, she pulled back in alarm, sure that something had happened
to him. "Xander, are you okay?"
she asked in concern. "Where's Willow?"
The boy stood silent for a moment, staring at Buffy with ice in his
eyes, and then pushed past her to place his
bag of supplies on the table. "Quiet night," he said perfunctorily
to Giles and Angel. "They're not out tonight.
Streets are empty."
"Xander!?" Buffy exclaimed, astonished at the way her friend was treating
her. "Where's Willow?" she
repeated her former question.
Xander turned towards her, his brown eyes reflecting an emotion Buffy
had never seen there. He stood
there, his stare boring holes into her, for a solid minute before he
spoke. When he finally did, it was in a
cold, horrible voice. "She's dead."
*****
Five months earlier
Willow Rosenberg ran, her heart pounding furiously in her chest until
she thought it would explode. Hot tears
stung her eyes as she made her way blindly through the woods, ignoring
the low hanging branches that were
cutting her arms to ribbons. The sound of her feet thudding on
the ground thundered in her ears, in rhythm
with her racing heart. Reaching a clearing, she turned sharply
and continued crashing through the trees, her
entire being screaming at her to get to the safety of the library before
he caught her. She could hear him
behind her, snarling and snapping, smelling the blood on her arms and
eager to taste it, so she continued
running blindly away from him. Emerging from the trees, she made
her way down the street, the
thumpthumpthump of her feet against the pavement followed all too closely
by the scratch of the werewolf's
claws behind her. Rounding a corner, she spotted the high school
looming before her and fresh tears of
relief started in her eyes.
The impact knocked her off her feet before she even realized what was
happening. When she finally did it
was too late. She felt the claws rip into her back and she screamed
with a mixture of fear and pain. Bracing
herself for the inevitable ending where he would tear her apart with
his teeth, she closed her eyes against the
world, praying for it to be swift. But the inevitable did not
come and behind her she heard the werewolf
scream in pain.
With great effort she turned herself around so she could better see
what was happening and was greeted by
the most astonishing sight she'd ever seen. Spike and the werewolf
were circling each other, the latter
keeping his distance from the vampire. There was blood matting
the fur of the werewolf's right shoulder,
evidence that Spike had somehow wounded him. She had just enough
time to note this before her body
succumbed to the pain and she blacked out, sinking into oblivion.
*****
Finally tiring of circling the werewolf, Spike lunged at him and broke
his neck smoothly. << You forgot I could
move faster than you, >> he thought viciously as he stared down at
the morphing form of the werewolf. When
it finally returned to the young man's normal form, Spike stared at
him for a few moments before gently lifting
Willow and heading for the library. << Her own boyfriend
trying to kill her, >> he thought sadly. << How
pathetic is that? >> Shaking his head, he made his way to the
library with Willow cradled safely in his arms.
He wasn't sure why he had even bothered stopping, but something told
him he should try to save the girl.
The smell of the blood pouring from the long gashes on her back was
almost enough to drive him mad, but
he kept his demon under control and continued on his way.
Moving as swiftly as he could without harming Willow, who lay limply
in his arms, he entered the school and
headed towards the double doors of the library. He braced himself
for the reaction that was sure to come
when the Watcher and the boy saw him with Willow in his arms and pushed
the doors open. As expected,
Xander nearly lunged at him until he saw exactly how injured Willow
was. Taking in her pale face and the
blood that was already starting to dry on her arms, he gasped and stopped
in his tracks. "Werewolf," Spike
said simply, placing her gently into Xander's arms, and then swept
out of the library.
Xander's eyes filled with tears as he stood with his best friend in
his arms, her blood spilling onto his arms.
He knew with an intuition entirely new to him that Willow was going
to die. She was just too pale, had lost too
much blood. Laying her gently on the table, he brushed the hair
out of her face and took her hand in his. His
throat constricted as he watched her pulling in rasping breaths, trying
to talk. "Shh," he said gently, through
tears of sorrow and rage. "Don't talk. It'll be okay,"
he lied. "You're gonna be okay. Giles," he called out.
"Call 9-1-1. Get an ambulance. We've gotta get her to a
hospital!"
"Xander," Willow interrupted weakly.
He couldn't bear hearing what she wanted to say to him, though, so he
ignored her. "Giles!" he practically
screamed at the Watcher, who was just standing there staring at him
like he'd lost his mind. "Call the
ambulance! She needs an ambulance. She's hurt. We've
got to get her to the hospital..." he finished in a
weak voice as Willow reached out a soft hand to touch his. He
turned heartbroken eyes to the person who
knew him best in the world and brushed his hand along her cheek.
"Willow," he said in a voice choked with
pent-up emotion. "I-I.." he stammered, wanting desperately to
make her understand but not knowing how to.
"Shh, Xander," Willow smiled sadly at him. "It's okay. You'll
be okay. Just listen to me, all right? I'm kinda
tired, so it'll just be a minute. This is not your fault," she
told him emphatically, her eyes boring into him.
"You're going to try to blame yourself for this and I don't want you
to. There was nothing you could have
done. It was Oz. I guess it turns out there are werewolves
too. I just happened to be dating one. This is my
own fault," she laughed weakly and then coughed.
"Don't you dare say that," Xander protested, tears openly pouring down
his cheeks. "How can you blame
yourself for this? I should've known. If I'd known, I could
have saved you."
"How?" Willow interrupted. "How could you have known? I
mean, he's my boyfriend. I should have realized
something, but I didn't. It's my fault."
"No," Xander said emphatically. "If you hadn't gone out with him
tonight... If Buffy had been here, you would
have been with her...us," he corrected. "You wouldn't have been
out with Oz. If she'd been here..."
"Don't. It's not your fault and it's not Buffy's fault.
Nobody could've stopped me. I went on a date with my
boyfriend. We didn't know. It's my own fault and I accept
that," she interrupted him weakly. She was growing
more tired by the second and wanted nothing more than to sink into
oblivion, a release from the pain. But
first, she had a best friend to console. "I'll miss you, you
know," she told him, a tear slipping down her
cheek. "But I'll watch out for you. I can do that full-time
now. It's a good thing too," she added, smiling up at
him, "because it's a full-time job. When Buffy comes back you
can help her and I'll watch out for you from up
there," she indicated upward.
Xander fought back a sob that was threatening to make him lose his train
of thought. "If she comes back," he
said angrily.
"Xander, please," his best friend said gently. "She'll come back.
Promise me that you'll be nice to her when
she does. Promise that you won't blame her for this. It's
not her fault. Promise me Xander," she added,
seeing the look of hesitation on her friend's face. Then her
gaze flicked past him toward the doorway where
Angel stood silently. "Hey," she said softly with a smile touching
her lips.
Seeing Willow smiling at him from her weak, bloody body nearly broke
Angel's heart. He swallowed hard to
stop himself from crying and walked quickly to her side. He took
the hand Xander wasn't holding in his own
and brought it to his lips. "Hey," he whispered, kissing her
fingers lightly. "Um," he continued, unable to
think of anything remotely appropriate to say. How could he tell
her how much she meant to him? He didn't
even really understand their relationship himself. He did know
that she was the best, kindest person he had
ever known, though, and he would always be grateful for her friendship.
Willow looked up at her friend carefully. She needed to make this
clear to him without making Xander angry,
and she wasn't really sure how to do that. Finally, she decided
that Xander's safety and happiness were
more important than any concerns about his pride at the moment.
She took as deep a breath as was
possible for her injured body and said, "Angel, I need you to do me
a favor. I'm dying. I know that. And I
need you to do something for me. Let me explain and then give
me your answer. I'll understand if you don't
want to do what I'm about to ask," she explained, her voice pleading
with him to help her anyway.
The vampire felt a blood tear make its slow descent down his cheek.
Did this tiny little girl have any idea how
much she meant to him? Could she possible realize how very much
he needed her? She was the best
friend he had ever had, the only person who had enough faith and courage
to save him from Hell itself. And
now she was going to die. His very soul had a competition at
that moment, part of him screaming to just turn
her into a vampire on the spot. He couldn't bear the idea of
a world without Willow and this seemed the most
logical solution. But another part of him, the bigger part, stamped
that thought down, realizing that the demon
that would result would no longer be the Willow he knew.
And so, Angel just squeezed his best friend's hand a little tighter
and interrupted her, "Anything. I'll do
anything for you. Ask it and it's yours."
She sighed softly, tears slipping down her own cheeks. "Take care
of Xander. I'll be watching over him, but
it's a job for more than one person," she forced a light tone.
She looked over at the boy she had loved for
as long as she could remember. "This is going to hurt him more
than even he knows right now, so just try to
make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, okay?" she asked, her eyes
asking so much more from Angel than
her words. She was asking him to put all of the differences behind
him, to be a friend to this boy who hated
him, even if Xander resisted.
He took a moment before answering, not wanting to respond too quickly
so that she would be sure to accept
it and have some peace. "I'll try," he told her softly.
"I won't let anything happen to him and I'll do my best to
be there for him. I guess that's the most I can promise," he
admitted, smiling awkwardly.
"That's enough," Willow assured him. "Thank you, Giles," she said
then, speaking to her mentor. "Help
Xander," she commanded him softly. She knew there was no need
to ask, but she wanted to make it clear
that Xander would need all the friends he could get. "And when
Buffy comes home," she told the three
assembled men, "tell her that I miss her and that I'm sorry," she said
weakly, her voice trailing off as she
closed her eyes.
They stared at her for several minutes, willing her to somehow wake
up, but then one last breath escaped
softly and she was still. Giles checked her pulse to be sure
and just shook his head silently when he found
none there. At the look of pain that crossed Giles' face, Xander's
hold over his emotions finally broke and he
collapsed with a sobbing wail over Willow's still body.
"No," he sobbed, his body shaking with the fear and pain coursing through
it. "No, I can't. I can't live without
you, Wil. You're the only person who matters anymore. Just
you. I can't lose you," he continued, clinging to
his best friend's body as though he could somehow bring her back.
"And I won't tell Buffy that you're sorry.
She's the one who should be apologizing. She killed you!
Why should you apologize to her?" Tears
poured down his cheeks as great, wrenching sobs seized him. "Willow!"
he screamed, panicking. "Oh god
Wil, please wake up. I need you... I love you. Do you hear
me? I love you! You can't leave me here
alone. You CANNOT die! Do you hear me? Willow!"
"Xander," Giles began, moving toward the heartbroken young man.
"Xander, we need to call an ambulance.
Xander!" he yelled, pulling him away from Willow's still form.
"She's gone," he said softly, his heart
constricting with the pain of losing the sweet young girl who had helped
to light up his world. "I know this is
hard, but you have to let her go."
Xander just stared at him, looking lost and alone. Inside he felt
empty, as though a vital part of him were
missing. His world had crashed down around him when that last
breath escaped Willow's body. And there
was no way to ever get it back. He knew that. His soul
was twined inextricably with that of the petite red-head
and she had taken it away with her to some better place. So he
was now just a portion of the person he had
been. He could live with that, he decided. There were too
many people who still needed help and Angel
and Giles wouldn't be able to save them alone. Steeling himself,
he pushed all emotions aside. They would
only get in the way of what he had to do. "I will never let her
go," he told Giles, in a flat, emotionless voice.
"But right now we have to get her out of here. So, call the ambulance
and have them come get her in the
woods. Angel, can you carry her out there? Giles, tell
them we found her out there."
"Oz is out there too," Angel informed him. "He's dead. It looks like his neck was broken."
"Spike," Xander said shortly. "In exchange for that we won't kill
him. Well, we'd better get this over with," he
concluded.
*****
January 11, 1999
"What do you mean, she's dead?" Buffy Summers demanded, flicking her
blonde hair out of her face.
"I mean she's dead, killed, no longer alive. I thought you had
a better command of the English language than
this," Xander replied, his voice bitter.
The Slayer stood, staring at her friend as though he had been replaced
by a pod person. "You're joking,
right? Willow can't be dead."
Xander walked slowly towards Buffy, pinning her to the wall with a look.
When he stood with his face inches
from her, he spoke. "I don't joke about my friends dying, Buffy,"
he said, his voice turning her name into a
curse.
Buffy stared at this person who had taken over her friend's body with
tears starting in her eyes. "She was my
friend too, Xander."
Xander continued glaring at the blonde Slayer for what seemed an eternity,
then he turned and walked back
to the table. "The last time I checked people didn't kill their
friends," he threw back over his shoulder.
She stood, looking from Xander to Angel and Giles, who stood on the
other side of the library trying to look
busy. Finally, she found her voice. "Now you're blaming
me?" she screamed at her friend. "This is my
fault? I didn't kill her Xander! Willow was my best friend.
I would never hurt her."
Walking towards her, he spoke in a voice made only more frightening
by its icy calm. "I told you that she
wasn't your friend." He wasn't yelling or screaming. He
was just talking and this scared Buffy more than
anything. It was almost as though he didn't feel anything anymore.
"And you weren't hers. Willow's friends
were with her the night she died. Willow's friends stood in this
library and watched her breathe for the last
time. For God's sake! SPIKE brought her in here!
But you? No, you couldn't be bothered to come home
when we asked you, no BEGGED you to! So, don't stand there
and tell me she was your FRIEND! You
don't know the meaning of the word," he ended, standing nose-to-nose
with her, daring her to make a move.
<< He wants me to hurt him. Well, I won't. I don't care what he says to me. I won't hit him. >>
"Xander," she started, placing her hand gently on his arm.
He drew his arm away quickly, as though he were burned by her touch.
"Don't," he spat out, glaring at the girl
who had destroyed his world. "Don't touch me. Don't talk
to me. Just leave. We don't need you here any
more so just GO," he ended with emphasis, but his voice was still cold
and quiet.
"No," Buffy told him, turning him to face her. "I won't leave!
You can't just decide that I can't be your friend
any more! Do you think Willow would have wanted that?"
"Do you think Willow wanted her boyfriend to MURDER HER? I doubt
it. But that doesn't change anything,
now does it?" Xander retorted. "And how dare you throw my best
friend in my face? I have done
EVERYTHING she ever asked me to."
"Actually, Xander, no you have not," Giles interrupted, deciding this
had gone on long enough. He carefully
separated the two teenagers and looked from one to the other.
Finally, his gaze settled on Xander. "What
was the last thing Willow ever asked you to do? She asked you
to forgive Buffy. Have you even tried?"
"Yes, I tried," Xander informed him. "But when one month after
her death turned into two and then three, and I
still hadn't heard from Buffy I gave up trying to forgive her.
Why should I? What has she done to deserve it?
Where was she when my best friend was dying on this table?" he asked,
pointing to the table nearest the
double doors of the library.
Buffy brushed her tears away angrily. "I didn't know, Xander!
Don't you think that I would have been here if I
had known this would happen?"
"How should I know?" Xander asked bitterly. "We asked you to come
back. SHE begged you to come
back! And you didn't. You wouldn't come back here.
And maybe it's because you had bad memories of
him," he said, indicating Angel, who was looking decidedly uncomfortable.
"Or maybe you really were trying
to protect us. But it obviously didn't work. Because where's
Willow? Where's Cordelia? Where's Oz?
They're all dead! And as far as I can see, that's YOUR FAULT!"
"Xander! God! What's wrong with you?" Buffy exclaimed through tears of frustration and anger.
"What's wrong with me?" Xander laughed, the sound coming out as more
of a bark than a laugh. "You took
my best friend away from me. That's what's wrong. She was
the only person who mattered. The only person
in the whole world who mattered. And now she's gone."
"But it wasn't ME," she emphasized, desperate to make Xander understand.
She had already lost her best
friend tonight; she couldn't bear the thought of losing the other one
as well.
"Buffy's right Xander," Giles said softly. "Oz killed Willow.
Nothing is going to change that. As much as we
may all wish to bring her back, there is just no way. Blaming
Buffy is not going to help. All it will do is make
you lose another friend. Do you want that to happen? Willow
would never want that," he told the young man
who stood with his jaw clenched.
"Fine," Xander said flatly. "She can stay. She can take
care of the vampires. She can deal with everything."
He walked over to the bag he had brought in and picked it up, handing
it to Buffy. "You'll need this. There's
been a lot of activity lately. A vamp got Cordelia a few weeks
ago," he explained. "I don't ever want to see
you again, do you understand that? No Giles," he said, cutting
off the older man. "This is where we have to
be right now. Maybe some day I can forgive you," he continued
to Buffy. "Maybe some day I can see your
face without wanting to break it. But not right now. So,
until then, stay away from me. Don't talk to me. Just
leave me alone. I can't help you with this stuff any more so
don't even ask. You do your Slaying thing and I'll
live my life. Now, I'm going home. I'll talk to you tomorrow
Giles," he said, nodding at the librarian as he
gathered his backpack. "Angel, I'll see you," he called over
his shoulder as he exited the library, leaving a
distraught Buffy staring after him.
Trying to fight back yet another flood of fresh tears, Buffy turned
her head from side to side, seeking some
comfort from the horrible feeling Xander's words had left in the pit
of her stomach. Her eyes lighting on
Angel, she made her way tentatively toward him, staring up at him with
wide, sad eyes. "Angel?" she
ventured in a voice made small by fear and pain.
The dark-haired vampire stared down at the girl he had once loved.
<< That seems like a lifetime ago, >> he
reflected. "Look," he told her, his voice not much warmer than
Xander's had been, "I don't particularly like
you right now. As a matter of fact I was leaning towards never
forgiving you myself, but I know that you miss
Willow too. And I know this isn't easy for you either.
So I want to help. I'm not saying that we can get back
together and everything will be just perfect. That's not possible.
I know you're hurting, though, and I want to
help. So, is that enough for you? If not, I'm sorry, but
that's all I can give."
Buffy closed her eyes and brushed away her tears again. Then she
took a deep breath and answered, "I
guess it'll have to be."
The End
Fan Fiction Chamber