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This story is my own creation, so rights to it belong to me. Distribution: ask me. Comments welcome.
The rights to the song "Kiss the Rain" belong to whoever owns them,
and it's not me. I am using the song as my own
personal derivation for this story, nothing else. I also only used
the lyrics that fitted with my story, so some will be left
out. Oh, and the song is insode these *** little things.
******Why don't you
Why don't you
Go outside
Go outside
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the night's
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain******
Buffy felt her consciousness slip away as the semi-truck sped off. Willow
sobbed her name and dropped to ground
beside her. Xander screamed for an ambulance, and the rest was black.
*****
Darkness. Darkness surrounded her. Then a faint white light. It grew
and grew, overpowering the darkness. Buffy
squinted in it's brightness. She stood on the crest of a grassy hill.
In the distance people ran and played and laughed,
but Buffy stood alone. All alone, and very aware of the fact.
"Buffy." She heard her name on the wind. Buffy whirled at its familiarity.
"Angel!" Her voice lilted happily. She threw herself into his arms.
He held her tightly, immoving. Buffy breathed in his
scent. She squeezed his neck lovingly, and a gleeful laugh escaped
her lips. Angel laughed with her.
Buffy stepped back a little, but stayed safely within the circle of
Angel's arms. She looked up at him, again squinting in
the sunlight. A frown marred her countenance.
"Then it is a dream," she said on a sigh.
Angel's eyes darkened. "Sort of," he told her gently. "It's-"
"Don't," Buffy pleaded, interrupting him. "Can we just enjoy what little
time we have together? Please. All I want is to
be here with you."
Angel's face softened. He hugged her close. Words had no use at that
moment. Buffy smiled against his shoulder. She
broke away from him and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Will you walk with me?" she asked, and held out her hand to him. Angel
took it and fell in step beside her. They
walked along the top of their grassy knoll, among the wildflowers growing
tall.
"I miss you," Buffy admitted softly. She held onto Angel's hand like it was her lifeline.
"I know," he replied. His voice sounded different to Buffy's ears. Probably
because she hadn't heard it in so very long.
Buffy moved closer to him.
"I wish you hadn't gone away." Angel looked down at the top of her head. So lonely.
"I'm not totally gone," Angel murmured. He wrapped his arm around her
waist and kept walking. "I still live in your
heart, Buffy. I'll never go away completely."
"I won't let you!" Buffy cried out. She turned to him and Angel took
her in his arms again. His strength comforted her.
"I won't let you," Buffy said quietly. She looked up at him, past his
jawline and his lips and cheek into his eyes. They
were the same dark, brooding, sad eyes. The ones that watched a person
too closely for comfort. She grinned in spite of
her sadness.
Angel smiled down at her. She reached up and kissed his lips. Then they walked on, in silence, enjoying each other.
******Why don't you
Why don't you
Go outside
Go outside
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the night's
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain******
Buffy felt herself slipping back into her life. Away from Angel.
"I don't want to go!" she cried, clutching his broad shoulders.
"I don't want you to either. But they're waiting for you." He was still her solid rock. Unshakeable. And always right.
"But I want to be with you!" Buffy fought the darkness trying to reclaim her.
"You are. You alway are." Angel did not push her away.
"I love you!" Buffy sobbed into his chest.
"I'll never stop loving you," Angel said, his voice ragged. "Never."
"I can't live without you! I need you with me!" Buffy's protests grew
quieter as the darkness claimed her. She focused
on Angel's voice as she was pulled away.
******Why don't you
Why don't you
Go outside
Go outside
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the night's
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain******
And Buffy awoke to her mother's hysterical weeping, her own eyelashes
matted with tears. For him. She reached out
and wearily touched Joyce's hand that was laying on the covers of the
hospital bed and heard one last whisper. "I'll
always be here."
*******
******In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun,
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.******
The group was partying at Buffy's crib. They were feasting on popcorn,
chips, and the triple fudge cookies Willow had
made earlier. "Children of the Corn" was playing on the TV.
Willow and Oz reclined in matching bean-bags, Xander and Cordelia sat
close to each other on the couch, and Buffy
sat alone, deep in the depths of a Laz-E-Boy recliner, arms wrapped
around a pillow. Her eyes strayed often from the
television and out the window across the room. Her body was almost
healed of the huge bruises it had aquired in her
little run in with the friendly semi truck.
The movie finally ended, and the gang sat around, trying to think of something fun to do.
"I know!" Oz was the first to break the tension-filled silence. "We
should do that hypnotizing thing that we always used
to do at parties!"
Xander was, not surprisingly, the first one to put in his two cents.
"That's kid stuff!" he scoffed, staring Oz down.
Willow shot him a freezing glare.
"I'll go first," Buffy volunteered. Her reaoning: get it over with as
quickly as possible, then sit back and think about a
certain dark haired villian.
It was decided to let Cordy be the first to do the hypnotizing. The
lights were turned out, and a candle burned in the far
corner of the room. Buffy laid down on her back on the floor, her head
on a pillow. Cordy began rubbing her temples
methodically. The others watched as Buffy relaxed and began to lose
her careful hold on her mind.
Buffy let herself sink into the soothing blackness.
*****
Once again Buffy experienced the darkness fading to sunlight. She stood
on the same hill, her eyes lit on the same
figures playing in the distance. She whirled to face a smiling Angel
(that would be this trademark half-smile, by the
way).
"You learn quickly," he teased, gently touching her cheek. Buffy turned
her face into his hand. He tugged her into his
arms. She buried her face in his chest. Tears ran down her cheeks.
Angel rested his chin on the top of Buffy's head and tightened his hold on her.
Buffy let Angel's strength seep into her. She took a deep breath and
a step back. Angel's eyes probed hers. She sniffed
and tried to smile.
"I'll be okay," she answered his unspoken question.
"You shouldn't do this to yourself," Angel scolded softly. He reached out and wiped her face with his fingertips.
"I can't seem to help myself," Buffy said with a tiny smile. "I love you. I try not to but I can't stop."
******When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love******
Angel smiled sadly at her reuse of his infamous words. "I want to kill
him myself when he tortures you like he does," he
admitted. "Why don't you go ahead and do it?"
"Well, it's a little complicated..."
******When I give my heart
It will be completely,
Or I'll never give my heart...******
Angel pulled Buffy into the shade of a grove of nearby trees and sprawled on the ground. "Why don't you tell me?"
Buffy sat in the lush grass next to Angel, *right* next to him. He slung an arm over her shoulder. She sighed.
"I just can't stop loving you. It's not that easy. Every time I see
his face I see *you*. And I love *you*. I can't just turn
my love off."
******When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
When I give my heart
It will be completely,
Or I'll never give my heart******
Angel didn't look at Buffy. "Then I wish for your sake we'd never met.
Things would have been easier if I'd never come
to Sunnydale."
Buffy shook her head angrily. "Easier yes, better no!" Buffy's voice
rose. "I don't care what you do now, what we had
was special. So special that even now you're still with me."
******If I never knew you
if I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
how precious life can be.
And if I'd never held you
I would never have a clue
how at last I'd find
the missing part of me.******
"If we'd never have met, I'd be dead long ago. You have helped me in so many ways."
******And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my life the whole way through,
lost forever,
if I never knew you.
If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as well
never knowing I could feel
a love so strong and true.*******
"I would be lost without you. You gave me a reason to fight, to breathe, to live."
******I though our love would be so beautiful
somehow we'd make the whole world right
I thought our love would be so beautiful
we'd turn the darkness into light
and still my heart is saying we were right (we were right).******
"Angel, if I had never missed you, I would have missed out on the best part of my life."
******And if I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through...
empty as the sky
never knowing why
lost forever
If I never knew you.******
Angel looked like he was about to cry. He leaned his forehead on Buffy's
and looked deep into her eyes. His face held so
much love it was almost comical.
"Too bad you're the Slayer. You'd have made a great psychologist."
Buffy didn't crack a smile. "I wasn't kidding."
"I know. Buffy, we can't be together. What good is our love?"
"What good is our love?" Buffy wanted to scream at his refusal to believe
in them. "Angel, our love is what brought
me here today. Don't ask me how. All I know is I love you, and I can't
stop. That's all I *need* to know."
Angel sighed in mock defeat. "Fine. Our love is good for something. It keeps us together."
Buffy felt herself slipping away from Angel once again. She didn't try
to stop it this time. She wrapped her arms around
Angel's neck and whispered in his ear:
"If I had never known you, I would have a miserable life. I love you and don't ever forget it."
"I won't." Buffy missed the sad puppy look on Angel's face as she closed her eyes.
Buffy came back to reality with a heavy thud, feeling like she needed
a good cry. Cordy leaned over her with a weird
look on her face. Willow was crying into Oz's shirt and Xander sat
in the corner, looking like he was about to throw up.
"I didn't say all that out loud, did I?" Buffy asked weakly, sitting up.
"'Fraid so," Oz murmured through the cloud that was Willow's hair. "You made Willow cry."
"It was just so *sweet*." Willow sobbed.
Xander ran for the bathroom.
Buffy rubbed her head.
"What did Angel mean when he said 'You learn fast'?" Cordy asked curiously.
"Oh, that..." Buffy hung her head. "Well, when I was in that accident
-the one involving the semi- I had a dream just
like that one only different. Oh!" Buffy grunted in pain. "I have such
a headache!"
*******
******Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you ******
"And it was actually like you were there, is that correct?" Giles' voice
spanned the library. It was a tired voice, filled
with exasperation.
"Yes, exactly!" Buffy replied. Xander had spilled the beans to Giles
about Buffy dreams late last night, and Giles had
demanded a meeting. Now here they were, at 8:30 on a Saturday morning,
wasting away in the school library.
"Then it would appear that his soul his stuck between the two dimensions.
When you were in a deep sleep, your soul
connected with his, and it took the appearance of a dream," Giles paced
the library floor. The other four teens lounged
in various places around the room.
"Kinda like that movie "Ghost"!" Willow added with a giggle. Giles shot a look her direction. "Sorry."
"But you can communicate with Angel's soul?" Giles asked, disbelief written on his face.
Buffy nodded, jumping up from her seat on the wooden table. "It was
like I was actually talking to him! I mean, I could
actually see Angel saying those things, and his eyes, were Angel's
eyes. Sad puppy dog eyes. I really think it was him!"
Giles nodded, taking off his glasses and rubbing his nose. "Then perhaps
we can still save his soul. We could possibly
have a chance. I have no idea how, though."
Buffy looked away. "Me neither," she said glumly. "I just wish..." "What?"
Xander asked from his perch near Willow's
computer.
Buffy's mind went to her messed up love life. "Oh, nothing," she said
with a sad little smile. "Let's try and find anything
that could help us help Angel. Everybody in?"
The group agreed and was soon spread out around the library, busily researching.
******You can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - yeah I'd die for you
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you******
*****
Buffy was sharpening one of twenty newly carved stakes when she had
a thought, no wait, could that be a plan? Yup, it
was definately a plan!
"Giles!"
The librarian turned from looking over Oz's shoulder, surprised at the Slayer's cry.
"If Angel's soul is stuck between two dimesions, like you said, could
he fight the demon and win, and then get control of
his body?"
Giles looked extremely doubtful. "I suppose that would be possible,
but he would have to have some very -er-
motivational, motivation, so to speak. What did you have in mind?"
Buffy was silent for a moment. "Do we have any idea how many vamps are hiding out with Spike and Druscilla?"
Giles' eyebrows scrunched up. "They have quite a few, I'd imagine. Why?"
"Do you think all of you guys together could handle them?"
"Not with Spike and Druscilla added."
"What if Spike and Druscilla were out of the picture?"
"I think we could probably handle them. What did you have in mind?"
Buffy's face grew mysterious. Giles' heart sank
to his stomach. "No! Absolutely not! Do you know what would happen
if it didn't work?"
"If what didn't work?" Cordelia asked, watching the Watcher/Slayer interaction.
"If Buffy were to let him drink of her blood," Giles murmured, massaging his temples wearily.
"Angel would never let HIM do it. He'd rescue me first," Buffy insisted.
"No! No! No! No way am I helping her if that Thing get's ahold of her!"
Xander shouted, jumping up from his chair and
waving his arms wildly in the air.
"But you must think of the consequences if it didn't work, Buffy. You're
willing to give up your life for Angel?" Giles
continued, ignoring Xander's outburst completely.
****** I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my own
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again ******
"My life isn't worth living without Angel in it." Buffy wrapped her
arms around herself. She looked utterly alone and
infinitely sad. "I'd give anything, even my life, to get him back,"
she said firmly.
The group stared at her. Every one of their faces showed sympathy and
slight shock. They had never seen their Slayer
like this before.
"We'll go tonight." Buffy's voice was cool and in control. "We'll leave
here right before sunset." Buffy turned away
from the stares of the people she loved most in the world and closed
her eyes tightly. "Let's do some researching."
Four hours later, the team was pretty much all researched out. For one
thing, there wasn't much info on a demon ever
being overpowered by a human soul. For another, everyone was intensely
nervous about going up against the vamps.
Buffy finally decided she couldn't take any more. "I'm going home to
get some sleep and prepare for later. I'll meet you
guys here later," she lied. "Cordelia and Willow, can you guys both
come over in half an hour?"
The two nodded in unison.
********
Forty five minutes later, the trio of girls were in Buffy's room. The
curtains were drawn and lighted candles graced the
dresser, reflecting off the mirror above it.
"Buffy, are you sure this is a good idea?" Willow, always the cautious one, asked worriedly.
"I have to, Will. I need to see him again, before...tonight." Buffy
lay on her back on the bed, Cordelia at her head.
"Let's get started."
Cordy started rubbing Buffy's temples, a slightly nervous look on her face. Buffy tried to consciously relax.
"This isn't working!" Buffy cried out, sitting up quickly.
"Come on, Buffy. Lay back down and relax. You aren't even giving this
a chance," Cordy chided with a little push.
Buffy did as "Queen C" commanded.
Fifteen minutes later, Buffy felt her muscles begin to relax. Cordy
and Willow exchanged wide-eyed glances. Buffy felt
blackness engulf her.
Repitition. Again the same grassy hill, the same people playing afar
off, the same sun shining in the sky. But this time
Buffy didn't turn immediately to Angel. Instead she sat down to watch
the people.
When his shadow fell on her, Buffy craned her neck back and smiled into
Angel's face. He returned it, then settled into
a crouch behind her. Angel placed his hands on her shoulders and began
a gentle massage. Buffy felt her heart speed
up.
"Ooh, that feels good," she half-sighed, half-said.
Angel laughed quietly. He continued his massage. "What have you been up to today?" he asked lightly.
"Nothing important," Buffy lied. She jumped when Angel found a sore spot in her neck.
"I thought the Slayer was supposed to heal fast," he teased. Buffy could hear an unusually good mood in his voice.
"Sore muscles don't fit into the 'healing' category I guess. You're
very happy, today," commented Buffy, making a quick
jump to another topic.
"Mmm. Just a happy day," Angel replied, his hands stilling. He stood
and pulled Buffy up to face him. He looked into
her eyes, and smiled a bittersweet smile. "I know what you're planning,
Buffy." Angel's eyes darkened. "And I don't like
it."
Buffy looked away from his searching eyes and over Angel's shoulder. "I knew you wouldn't," she sighed.
"But I know that won't stop you."
Buffy's eyes returned to Angel's. His held love. She smiled. "You'll come for me?"
Angel smiled slightly. "What other choice do I have?"
******When you're feeling lost in the night
When you feel your world just seem tight
Call on me I will be waiting
Count on me I will be there
Anytime the times get too tough
Anytime your best ain't enough
I'll be the one to make it better
I'll be there to protect you
See you through
I'll be there and there is nothing I won't do******
"You could not come," Buffy said seriously, a frown showing itself on her face.
Angel rolled his eyes. "And the moon could come crashing down on the earth, too."
******For you I will lay my life on the line
For you I will fight, for you I will die
With every breath, with all my soul
I'll give my world, I'll give it all
Put your faith in me, and I'll do anything******
Buffy giggled. Angel became serious once again.
"What if I can't get control?" he asked, turning away from Buffy, shutting her out.
"Then I'll get to be with you in a different way," Buffy answered quickly.
Buffy placed her hands on his shoulders and
massaged them.
Angel turned to her with frustration in his eyes. "But what about your duties?"
Buffy looked down briefly, then raised her gaze to Angel's. "You are more important to me than my duties."
"I shouldn't be. You've saved the world more than once, Buffy. That isn't exactly something you can ignore."
Buffy touched his cheek. "Someone else will take over, should anything happen. But nothing will happen."
Angel looked away. "I wish I could believe you. But I can't. What if I-"
Buffy silenced him with a kiss. When she pulled away, she smiled sweetly
up at him. Angel half-smiled and tapped her
nose lightly with his forefinger.
"You're too good for me," he whispered, brown eyes clouding again.
Buffy shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. "No," she protested. "Never!" She still smiled up at him.
"You have to go now," Angel said with a grin. Buffy hugged him close.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Angel looked surprised.
"For being you." Buffy slowly slipped away without a word. Angel kissed
her forehead.
******
And then she was back in her room, Cordy and Willow watching her. Buffy
sat up, wiping the tears from her face.
Willow looked close to tears herself, and Cordy was suspiciously without
mascara. Buffy smiled at them both.
They agreed to meet at the library at sunset and the girls parted company.
******
It was ten minutes before sunset and Buffy paced the alleyway outside
Spike and Druscilla's warehouse-building. She
hadn't met the others at the library like she had said, not wanting
to put them in harm's way. She figured it would take
them at least fifteen minutes while they waited for her, and ten or
more after that to decide to come after her.
Buffy told herself. She almost believed she could do it without her friends beside her. Almost.
A car horn sounding awoke Buffy from her stupor. Xander, Cordy, Willow,
Oz, and Giles all piled out of Giles' car
(don't ask me how they all fit, it just works with my story) and rushed
over to Buffy.
"Guys! What are you doing here???!!!" Buffy held her voice to a loud whisper.
"Please, Buffy!" Willow rolled her eyes, although her lips were smiling.
"Like we don't know you well enough to know
you'd try to ditch us!"
"Yeah," Xander put in, pulling a stake out of his jacket pocket. "Like you have every other time it was important."
"You really shouldn't be so predictable, Buffy," Cordy said, studying
her nails. She tried to look disinterested but didn't
pull it off too well.
"We're here for you," Giles shuffled his feet and played with his glasses.
"Yeah," Oz nodded enthusiastically. His right arm was wrapped around
Willow protectively. He held a cross the size of
a basketball in his other hand.
"Thanks, guys." Buffy's voice cracked. She turned to the warehouse and
her face paled. She briskly walked to the
entrance.
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