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"What's your problem?" she muttered, a hint of annoyance
at being woken
up in her voice.
Jason was slowly massaging his bicep while moving his
forearm back and
forth, bending it at the elbow. A grimace was set
on his face. He
shook his head at Carly, indicating her not to bother
asking. He
couldn't really explain it anyway. His arm only
tingled when he moved
it, when he was still, it was numb.
Carly laughed a bit, scooting up slightly to be in a more
upright
position. "Your arm's asleep," she explained.
"I must have been
sleeping on it all night. The blood flow to your
arm was constricted
which is causing the pain and tingling."
Jason widened his eyes. "How did you know that was what was wrong?"
"It happens," Carly shrugged. "You have to keep
moving it, no matter
how much it hurts. It's the only way you're going
to get blood flowing
back into the arm so it feels better."
Jason nodded solemnly, taking her word for it and continuing
his
massage. Carly lay there for a moment, staring
up at the ceiling, then
laughed out loud. "Teaching you about the inner
workings of blood flow
is not my idea of pillow talk," she said, smiling at
Jason.
"I should know that stuff," Jason said, shaking his arm
out, the grimace
of pain vanishing off his face. "Jason Quartermaine gave
me a bunch of
medical knowledge, but not that. He wanted to be
a doctor."
Carly said nothing, but kept smiling at him. He
smiled in return,
gazing at the woman beside him. She was so extraordinary.
It blew his
mind. He knew it was probably silly of him to think
so, but it couldn't
help but surprise him. He'd felt nothing but anger
and annoyance toward
most of the people that he came into contact with.
Why was she so
different? He leaned closer to her, pulling her
into his arms and
resting his chin on her head, breathing in the sweet
smell of
strawberries from her hair.
Carly smiled at his sudden embrace. He certainly
was affectionate when
they were in bed together. She didn't know where
it came from, since
he could come off as so aloof otherwise. She tried
to push away the
thought that maybe it was because he just wanted more
sex. It bothered
her that she even entertained the thought. But
then again, she didn't
really know Jason at all. Jason couldn't tell her
anything about him or
his past, and any other thoughts and feelings he had,
he seemed to keep
inside cause he probably had a hard time putting them
into words. Carly
sighed, knowing any relationship she had with Jason would
be a lot of
work. For some reason, she couldn't be satisfied
with casual sex
anymore. She wanted to get to know him, she wanted
to help him find out
who he was. She wanted to be a part of his new
life. Jason's voice
startled her.
"Could you explain this love thing to me?"
Carly turned her head upwards, looking at him with cautious
eyes. She
wasn't sure she'd heard him right. "What?"
she asked, needing to hear
it again. "You want me to *explain* love?
Jason, do you know how hard
that is?"
Jason nodded, reaching his hand up and pushing her hair
off her
forehead. "I know you tried last night, but I
don't get it, cause the
Quartermaine's claim they love me and it's not at all
like you
described."
Carly snickered at this. She didn't know anything
about the
Quartermaine's personally, she'd met both Monica and
Alan once when she
got hired at the hospital. They seemed nice
enough, if not a little
over consumed by work. She grew quiet again when
she realized that they
would be Jason's parents. This idea made her laugh
a bit more. What
would they say if they knew she was sleeping with their
brain damaged
son who was apparently estranged from them? They'd
flip for sure. She
didn't know much, but she did know the Quartermaines
were way into
appearances and social airs.
"Well," Carly began, trying to gather her thoughts and
push aside the
fact that she worked for his folks. "The love I
described last night,
that's a love a man and a woman share." Did
he realize how weird this
was, her explaining love between a man and a woman while
they lay
together, naked in her bed? She knew he had no
clue how weird it was.
But it was.
"The love the Quartermaine's have for you, that's family
love, and that
comes in all different ways. Everyone shows it
differently."
"Like how?" Jason asked, his voice muffled since he had
his face buried
in her hair.
Carly shifted slightly, running her hand up and down his
bare chest as
she thought. "Well, some people show it like you
would expect: they
support you in everything you do no matter what, they
care about you,
they're always there for you, no matter how you've acted
toward them in
the past. That's unconditional love. That's
the best kind of love
between families, lovers, and friends in my opinion."
Carly thought
about Virginia and swallowed hard, willing herself not
to cry. "Then
there's some families who expect things of you, only
because they
believe in you and they know you can do what they expect,
but if you
don't do it, they may get mad and yell...but really it's
only because
they want the best for you and think that they know what
it is."
"That one sounds like the Quartermaines," Jason said thoughtfully.
"Although I'm not sure they want what's best for me.
I mean, wouldn't
you think that a person would only know what's best for
themselves? I
don't think I know what's best for you, and I hope you
don't think you
know what's best for me."
Carly thought about this for a second. "In a perfect world,
Jason, no
one would expect to know what's best for anyone but themselves.
But
that's not how it works out. Parents have gone
through most of the
things they see their kids going through. So they
try to steer their
kids away from things that hurt them when they were that
age. It's all
good intentions, you see? It's just that parents
don't always remember
that they have to let their kids find out on their own...ultimately
the
only person anyone's going to listen to is themselves."
"I don't think Alan and Monica have ever lost their memory,
Carly,"
Jason said, a hint of teasing in his voice.
Carly rolled her eyes at him. "No, but they can
see the path you're
headed down, and they think they know what's at the end
of it. That's
all I'm saying. The whole reason anybody thinks
they know what's best
for anybody else is the past. Everyone has their
own separate
experiences, but we relate them to other people, and
if we see someone
going through what we went through we automatically assume
it's going to
turn out the same. We're usually wrong, but it's
instinctual to try to
help." Carly took a deep breath and continued.
"Jason, I don't think
the Quartermaines are trying to deliberately hurt you,
or drive you
away. I think they are having a hard time letting
their son go, and
it's probably nearly impossible for them to accept that
he's never
coming back. You may look exactly like him, talk
like him, walk like
him, whatever, but you're never going to *be* him, and
that's gotta be
the toughest thing for them to accept."
Jason was silent, running a hand lazily over the back
of Carly's neck.
He heaved a deep sigh, bringing Carly's head up and down
with his chest.
Carly thought about what she'd just said. She sounded
so stable and
knowing. If only he knew what a screw up this was
all coming from, he
may not take her word as gospel. She thought about
her mother Virginia,
and her *real* mother, the reason she was in Port Charles.
She thought
about how much she wanted to love her, hate her, hug
her, hit her,
whisper I love you, scream I hate you, all at the same
time. She and
Jason were similar. They were both running from
something too real to
accept. They reinvented themselves, in a way of
hiding from the truth.
"Jason?" Carly finally said, pulling her head up and looking
at him with
moist eyes. She hadn't realized the tears had made
it to her eyes.
"What are you going to use as your last name from now
on?" She thought
about how she'd adopted her dead friends name, and how
it had suited her
just fine in Port Charles. Now she felt slightly
guilty. She wanted to
come clean, and knew Jason would be the most logical
choice since he had
no one to tell and no reason to tell it. But for
some reason she was
more comfortable keeping the conversation on him.
That way, she seemed
like she knew all the answers. The truth was, she
had no idea about
real love and real life, since she'd never let herself
be vulnerable to
real love, and had always run as far as she could from
real life.
Jason stared down at her, wondering why she was crying.
Ignoring her
question, he wiped a tear from the corner of her eye
with his thumb.
Carly seemed startled at this, as though she hadn't realized
she'd been
crying. She quickly pulled herself out of his embrace,
rubbing her
hands over her eyes and composing herself quickly.
She looked at Jason
and forced a bright grin. "Sometimes I think too
much," she explained,
without really explaining. "What are you going
to use as your last
name?" she repeated.
"Well," Jason said, sitting all the way up as well, facing
her. "My
drivers license says my middle name is Morgan, so I guess
I'll use
that."
Carly thought for a moment before repeating his name.
"Jason Morgan. I
like it," she said beaming.
Jason leaned forward, joining his lips with hers.
"I like that smile,"
he whispered, pulling her back to him.
Carly snuggled closer, unprepared for what he said next.
"Why were you
crying?"
Carly froze for a second, trying to think of what to say.
She had no
idea. She somehow felt exposed all of a sudden.
She brought the sheets
up to her neck, covering herself totally. "Nothing
gets by you does
it?" she tried joking. It didn't work.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Jason
said, gently
pulling her hand up to his lips and placing a soft kiss
on the inside of
her palm. "But I don't want you to be sad, so if
you want to tell me,
I'll listen."
Carly smiled sadly. Here it goes. She wished
she could close and lock
the floodgates that were sure to open when she told him
why she had come
to Port Charles. She decided to keep the story
short and simple,
avoiding as much emotion and drama as possible.
She didn't know why,
but somehow she knew Jason would appreciate that.
She didn't take him
for the hour-long, sob-fest, feel-sorry-for-yourself
type of guy. "I
came to Port Charles about a month ago to find my mother.
My real
mother, who gave me up for adoption twenty-two years
ago. Her name is
Bobbie Spencer and she works at GH. My real name
is Caroline Benson.
Carly Roberts is the name of a girl from back in Florida
who died in a
car accident a few years ago." Carly laughed bitterly
at this. "She
wasn't using it, right? God, I think about it now
and that's so
disgusting. But, hey, here I am." Carly held
her hands out, then
dropped them angrily to her sides. She had managed
not to cry but was
all of a sudden furious with herself.
Jason's voice cut through her mind. "Have you told
her yet? Bobbie, I
mean? I remember her from the hospital. She's
a nurse."
Carly shook her head. "No, and I just can't now
that I'm here. She has
this perfect life, there's obviously no room for me."
Carly realized
how bitter and sorry for herself she sounded but she
really didn't care.
Who was Jason to judge anyway. She'd forgotten
that he wouldn't.
Jason didn't say anything. He tightened his arms
around her and rested
his head back on the pillows, thinking. "I think
you look like her," he
mused, not meaning to do it out loud.
Carly softened a bit, and relished in his grasp.
"You do?" she asked,
her voice soft, almost hopeful.
Jason nodded, directing his gaze back down at her.
"I wouldn't know it
if you hadn't told me, but now I think I can see it.
I hope that
doesn't upset you," he added as an afterthought, realizing
this was
obviously a bitter subject for her.
Carly shook her head. She even smiled slightly,
a crooked smile for his
benefit. Instead of saying anything more, Carly
found herself suddenly
exhausted. She found the spot where her head fit
perfectly, right where
his collar bone became his chest, and snuggled her head
there, listening
to his heart beat. She closed her eyes and felt
relaxed, like a huge
weight had been pulled off of her. She may not
have told the person who
needed to be told, her mother, but telling someone had
lifted a burden
nonetheless. And now, Jason knew exactly who she
was and she knew
exactly who he was. It was refreshing to have no
secrets from someone
for once.
As she drifted off, content for the first time in a long
time, she heard
Jason from somewhere deep in her conscious.
"Bobbie would be lucky to have you. I know I am."
Next
Part
Innocence
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