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"Carly?" Jason had pulled his head away in order
to look into her eyes. They
were searching her face for some sort of reaction.
‘Think! Carly think!’ she commanded herself.
Carly realized that maybe what
Jason thought was love really wasn’t*maybe it was lust,
or maybe even the shock of
this trauma that they’d just gone through. She
smiled a bit at him, convinced that
he was just confused.
"Are you sure?" she asked meekly, hoping against hope that the answer was no.
Jason nodded, the apparent devotion to her evident in
his eyes. Carly’s heart
did flip flops, but her head screamed for an escape.
There was no way she was going to
mess up his new life. No way. Carly knew
she was as stubborn as a mule, and when she
set her mind to something, it was as good as done.
"I’m as sure of it as I am of anything," Jason murmured,
bringing a gentle
hand to her face. He traced his finger down along
her cheek to her jawbone. "You’re so
amazingly beautiful," he added, his eyes fixed on Carly’s
mouth.
Carly pressed her lips together, trying to fight the urge
to kiss him. She
blinked rapidly a few times, willing herself not to get
sucked in like she always did.
"Well, that’s not very sure, is it?" she said, then instantly
regretted it
when she saw the look of hurt on his face. But
it seemed that this was the only way to do it.
To hurt him so that he’d get away from her. She
wanted that less than anything, but
couldn’t be selfish, not with him. She couldn’t
ruin things for him. God knew she ruined
things enough for herself. To do it to him just
wasn’t fair.
"Jason, just get out, please," Carly pleaded, almost crying
now. He was
making this so hard for her. So incredibly hard.
The truth was, his words were music to her
ears. Carly wanted to jump for joy and sob happy
tears that someone this wonderful loved
*her*. She wanted to tell him that she loved him
too, and together they’d conquer the
world. The problem was, they wouldn’t be
in bliss forever. Carly knew that first
hand. She was poison. She wouldn’t let her
selfishness destroy Jason. If she truly loved
him, she’d let him go. That’s how the saying went
anyway.
Jason’s expression was quickly turning from one of confusion to hurt.
"Carly," he said, his eyes still hopeful but his body
completely withdrawing
from her. "Don’t do this to me. You have
to tell me how you feel. Don’t push me away
again, please."
Carly struggled to keep her stare blank, her expression
distant. Inside, her
heart was breaking. A lump swelled in her throat
and she repeatedly swallowed to rid
herself of it. She’d pushed practically everyone
in her life away. Why was this so hard?
Because it was going against everything her emotional
being was telling her to do. She
hoped she wouldn’t be scarred for life for this.
By this time, Jason had gotten up completely and was standing
near the door,
his hands on his hips. He was banking on the fact
that she’d never lied to him when he
asked his next question. It was all he had to hold
onto . It suddenly seemed like his
future happiness rested on her answer.
He swallowed hard before letting the words out.
"Carly," he said, clearing
his throat quickly as his voice cracked.
"Carly," he repeated, stronger now, challenging her to
lie to him. "Do you
love me?"
Carly let this question sink in. She resented him for
asking it. Why did he
have to throw it out on the table like that? It
was completely out of character. And now
she’d have to lie to him and she wasn’t very happy about
it. Focusing on a chair in the
corner of the room, Carly muttered her answer.
It made her feel like dying.
"No."
She was about to completely lose her control and willed
Jason out of the room.
As if reading her mind, he turned and left, without another
word. Carly broke down,
crying softly at first, then pulling a pillow out roughly
from behind her and wailing
into it. She’d never felt pain like this; it wasn’t
just physical or emotional, it was
both. She sobbed for everything she waned to be
for Jason but couldn’t. It was too much
to bear. No one should have to suffer like this.
Nothing in her life worked out, she
decided.
"Better get used to it, kiddo," she muttered bitterly
aloud. "It’s not
getting any better."
Carly leaned back on her remaining pillows and turned
her head toward the
window. She let the tears fall as naturally as
they were coming to her. With no one left
to comfort her, she cried herself to sleep.
*~*~*
Jason tore through the streets of Port Charles on his
motorcycle, paying no
heed to stop signs, red lights, or any other ridiculous
safety mechanism. He ended up at
the boxcar and tore it up as sufficiently as he could
manage. Every single blanket he
slammed up against the wall farthest from where it originally
lay. The wooden crate
smashed into a million splinters as he heaved it above
his head and smashed it to the floor.
He even ripped a few of the floor boards up and broke
each one into as many pieces as
he could manage.
Completely spent, Jason finally collapsed to the ground,
letting his head fall
into his hands. He felt his palms begin to be wet
with hot tears. AS much as he
didn’t want to cry, the emotions poured out of him.
How could Carly lie to him all this
time? Okay, she didn’t exactly lie. She never
said she loved him, never called him
anything but a friend. But her actions were so*well,
like *his*. She seemed to *need* him,
almost desperately at times, and his need for her was
almost completely in the same
caliber. She acted like she liked him, had fun
with him, and certainly never was quiet
about being attracted to him. So why was she so
distant all of a sudden?
Jason hit his head in frustration. He wondered if
Jason Quartermaine would
understand. Never in his life had he wished he
was Jason Quartermaine until right then.
And it made him sick.
*~*~*
Jason awoke the next morning, a crumpled heap on the floor
of the boxcar. He
didn’t remember falling asleep, but somehow he must have.
He had dreamt of Carly all
night, fitful, unnerving dreams about terrible things
befalling both her and himself.
He felt something small and hard pressing against his
palm. Siting up and uncurling
his fingers, he quickly closed his eyes when he saw what
he had been holding.
Jason waited a few moments before opening his eyes slowly.
It was still
there. A small silver ring he had bought for Carly
after she'd been brought to the hospital.
He hadn't even been aware that he'd taken it out of his
pocket. It was an Irish
Clauddagh ring, and the sales girl had told him that
the hands represented friendship, the heart
represented love, and the crown represented fidelity.
A sob choked in Jason's throat as
he turned it over and over in his hands.
The strongest urge Jason had ever had overcame him.
There was no way he was
going to let Carly push him away. If she didn't
love him, okay, but he needed her in
his life regardless. And he was going to tell her
just that. Pushing himself up off
the floor and groaning as he stretched his legs out,
he pulled his jacket on and raked a
hand through his hair.
The sun had just risen and was burning brilliantly in
the sky when Jason took
off on his bike back toward the hospital.
*~*~*
Bobbie spied Jason out of the corner of her eye as soon
as he entered the ICU.
She rushed over to him, her face flushed, her eyes wide
and scared.
"Jason! Thank God you're here! Is Carly with
you?" she gushed, skittering
over to him.
Jason looked momentarily confused. He didn't even
have a chance to ask what
she was talking about. Bobbie saw the look on his
face and an expression of horror
immediately distorted her features. She took a
few deep breaths and rubbed her temples
with her fingers, forcing herself to calm down.
"Jason," Bobbie said, her voice shaking. "Carly's
gone. She disappeared last
night."
Innocence
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