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"Hey baby...... I stopped by your
grandmother’s house, she told me you
decided to take someone’s shift
for them today...... I was a little
surprised.... I didn’t think you’d
be up to working today........ How are
you doing?"
He winces slightly, that came out
more sympathetic then he intended. He
waits for her to react, the way
she usually does when she thinks someone is
pitying her.... but she doesn’t.....
he’s starting to wonder if she heard
him, when he answers absently.
"I’m fine."
Her lack of emotion concerns him
and he studies her a moment trying to gain
some insight into her state of
mind. She’s acting like yesterday never
happened...... and it scares him.
"Liz......."
She glances up at him and smiles.
They lock eyes momentarily and Lucky tries
to shake the heavy feeling in his
gut. He smiles weakly, and he leans across
to kiss her-- their daily routine.
She leans back, avoiding his kiss, and
picks up a rag, quickly heading
to a table.
"I’m sorry Lucky, I’m just really busy."
Lucky freezes. He closes his eyes
trying to regain his composure. Now she’s
avoiding *him*....... first reality,
now him. The idea scares him and he
finds himself thrown off his usual
cool. He sighs again, knowing he can’t
let this go, not yet, and swivels
around his chair to watch her. She has her
back to him, and she’s scrubbing
the top of the table.
"We need to talk......"
"I have to work."
"I’m sure Ruby will give you a break.....
besides, you keep buffing that
table and you’re gonna take the
finish right off."
Elizabeth stops. She knows it’s
no use fighting, it’s better to just get it
over with. Her shoulders slump,
and she sits heavily in the chair next to
her. Lucky stands, and walks over,
slowly taking the seat across the table
from her. He watches sadly as she
absently picks at the rag in front of her.
He leans forward lowering his voice
discreetly.
"Look Liz, we really should talk about what we discussed yesterday......"
"I don’t need to....... I know what
I have to do....... I’m going to get an
abortion."
Lucky feels a chill run down his
back at her detached manner. The words lay
between them, flat and dead of
emotion.
"Honey........ that’s a big decision.....
maybe you should take some more
time......"
"No. No, I need to do this."
"But do you *want* to?......."
Liz focuses on the towel a moment,
and picks it up. She pushes away from the
table and stands.
"I need to get back to work."
He watches as she walks away and
lets his head fall forward. It’s so
tiring...... like talking to a
robot, and he finds himself actually desiring
her anger and hatred. He wants
her to scream and yell, or even cry just
anything other than what she’s
doing...... of course this isn’t the place to
provoke her. Right now, he has
to make sure she knows what she is saying. He
would never forgive himself if
she made a decision because she wasn’t
thinking straight, and ended up
regretting it later.......
He stands up, and walks over to
Elizabeth, who is now clearing the dishes
from another table.
"Liz, is that really what you want?"
"What I really want is for none of this to have happened."
Lucky closes his eyes grateful for
the familiarity of the comment. He opens
his eyes to find she has crossed
the room and is back at the counter. He
crosses the room slowly until he
is standing behind her. She still when she
feels the proximity of his body
to hers, and feels his breath near her ear.
"There are other options you know......"
She spins around to face him. She
studies his shirt a minute, unable to look
him in the face. Her gaze slowly
travels up, and finally they lock eyes.
"I know...... and I’ve been through
them....... I’m getting an
abortion........ just, will you
come with me?"
Lucky searches her eyes a moment
looking for nay sign of hesitation, or any
emotion for that matter. He finally
surrenders and embraces her in a hug.
"Of course I will....... I’m with you every step of the way....."
Elizabeth tenses in his arms, but
quickly relaxes. She had forgotten how
reassuring it felt to be in his
arms, and she closes her eyes relishing in
the feel. She doesn’t notice Ruby,
who stands only a few feet away in the
doorway to the kitchen. She watches
the couple with wide eyes, and then
discreetly slips back into the
kitchen.
"MURDERER! MURDERER!"
Lucky squeezes Liz tighter to him
as they fight through the crowd. He
focuses on the door in the distance.
If they can just make it on to the
clinic property they’ll be home
free. A hand reaches out and grabs Elizabeth
’s arm and he can feel her lready
tense body start to panic. He angrily
pushes the hand away, and holds
her possesively against him.
"Keep your hands off her!"
"Don’t you care about your baby?! You’re killing another human being!"
Lucky grits his teeth and trys to
ignore the roaring mob. He can feel
Elizabeth trembling under him.
"BABY KILLER!"
"DON’T MURDER YOUR BABY!...."
"ARE YOU SO SELFISH....."
"SINNER!"
"BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!"
Lucky feels the growl rising in
his throat, and this time he can’t hold it
in.
"LAY OFF! YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER OR WHAT SHE’S BEEN THROUGH!!!"
Elizabeth looks up at him with wide,
terror-filled eyes. She looks around at
the angry faces of the crowd anxiously.
It doesn’t look like they realized
the meaning of Lucky’s words, but
she feels for sure they must already
know....... they can probably tell
by looking at her. She feels
transparent-- but also dirty.
Lucky breathes a sigh of relief
as they exit the mass of people. He blocks
out the continuous ranting behind
them as they ascend the stairs. He wishes
Elizabeth would have just gone
to the clinic in Port Charles...... but she
had been so adament..... She was
so afraid someone would recognize her.....
Too bad she didn’t listen to him
when he said the PC clinic would be more
discreet than the big city....
He feels the knot in his stomach
tighten as his hand comes to rest on the
door handle. He stops, turning
to face her.
"Are you sure you......."
"Open the door."
He studies her face and feels his
stomach twist violently. Something is way
off.... She’s cold. Not in a hostile
way, but in a dead, emotionless way. A
wave of panic washes over him as
she enters the clinic. She should be
feeling something if she’s doing
this..... sadness, anger, fear, guilt......
anything, but something. He follows
her to the desk at the front of the
clinic and watches as a middle-aged
woman emerges from behind the frosted
glass window. Had it been any other
moment in his life Lucky would have
laughed at her appearance. Her
large, orange, beehive hairdo stood a good
half-a-foot over the top of her
head. Her thick glasses rested percariously
at the tip of her nose, and small
beaded chain emerged from behind her
ears,and hung down around her neck.
"Hiya ya’ll...... I’m LuAnne......
I hope that big ol’ crowd out there didn’
t give you too much trouble......
what can I do you for?"
"I.... I need an appointment to have an abortion...."
Liz waits for the woman’s disgust,
hr disappointed look, her cruel
words..... but none come. Instead
the woman smiles brightly at her, and
begins flipping through the appointment
book in front of her.
"Well, you haffta have a session
with wona our counselors befo’ we do
anythin’....... it’s kinda a slow
day, so we can getcha’ in righta way."
Liz looks down at the floor unable
to stand the kind gaze of the woman
behind the counter.
"Thank you."
"Ya’ll welcome..... ya can head
on down hallway right there, thir’ door to
the left."
Lucky watches as Liz quickly heads
down the hall. With every step he takes
after her, he can hear his instinct
telling him that this is wrong.......
not necessarily what she’s doing,
but her reasons for it. He closes his eyes
grateful for the obligation to
see a counselor.
Liz stops and stares at the large
wood door. She glances back down the
hallway, recounting rooms. Third
door to the left. She inhales deeply, and
slowly opens the door. She takes
in the room. It’s fairly stark. The walls
are painted a neutral peach color,
no doubt meant to calm her. Along them
are pinned random posters, most
of them promoting the pro-choice decision
and safe sex. In the center of
the room stands a large oak desk. The desktop
is neatly organized, a small rack
of pamphlets on the corner. Two chairs sit
opposite the desk. She focuses
in on one of the chairs and concentrates on
moving her body to it. Lucky watches
from the doorway as Elizabeth walks
briskly to the chair and seats
herself. She hasn’t looked at him since they
entered the clinic and the fact
is only increasing his concerns. The door
clicks shut behind him and he takes
it as a cue to enter the room. He walks
tenatively over to the unoccupied
chair, resting his hands on the back. His
head hangs low, and he eyes Liz
carefully. She’s sitting rigid in her chair,
staring straight ahead. He follows
her line of vision over to a small,
tastefull fern in ther corner.......
Interesting, but not that interesting.
She isn’t looking at anything....
She’s just plain shut-down. He sighs. He
has to do this, no postponing it.
"Liz....."
She breaks out of her trance and
looks up at him, an unconvincing smile
curling the corners of her mouth.
"Yeah hon?"
He closes his eyes. He knew this
was going to be hard, but this is almost
unbearable.
"Baby...... Maybe we should hold off on this a little..... rethink it."
The smile slowly slides off her
face, and is replaced with a glimmer of
determination.
"Lucky I have to do this....... I’m going to do this."
"You keep saying that, but that’s
all you say! *Why* do you have to do this
Elizabeth, huh? What are your reasons?
What are you feeling?! Anything?! Do
you even know?!"
"I think I know what *I* am or am not feeling!"
"Then tell me! Because so far it
lookes to me like you’re not letting
yourself feel anything, and makng
decisions like that can be dangerous!"
"I think you should just leave......"
Lucky stops. This isn’t working.
He wants, he needs for her to scream and
cry and yell.... more than a few
risen words and an avoidance of him. He
sighs and walks over to kneel next
to her chair. He reaches up, tenderly
brushing the hair away from her
face, but she still refuses to look at him.
"Liz, I love you....... I will always
love you no matter what you say or
do...... I just want to understand
why you chose this...... why this is the
solution for you."
Siz can feel the tears forming in
her eyes, and she silently chastizes
herself. She doesn’t want to feel
anything, but Lucky isn’t letting her do
that. The emotions are swirling
around in her stomach and she feels sick.
"Liz......"
"I want him out."
She freezes. The words slipped out
before she knew she said them. She can
feel Lucky’s eyes boring inot her
and she shifts unnerved.
"You want who out?........ The rapist?"
"Yes."
Her hand flies to her mouth and
she closes her eyes. Why can’t she stop
answering him? Why does she keep
talking? Everything in her is screaming out
to just stop, but she can’t.
"It’s him inside me..... It’s a piece of him in me."
"It’s a piece of you too."
She jumps up from the chair and
walks across the small room. This has gotten
way too intense. She wants him
to stop so she can shut down again. She doesn
’t was to think about what she’s
doing, she wants it over with, so she can
forget. She wants it to be done,
like it never existed, but she can already
fel Lucky’s words sinking in, disturbing
her oblivion. By destroying this
baby was she destroying herself?
How can she feel dead if this thing is
living inside her?..... She can’t.....
in fact, it’s because of her life
that his child exists. Her......
and him. She’s vaguely aware of the hot
tears flowing down her face, but
she’s given up trying to conceal them. She
stares at a spot on the wall, trying
to focus. Anger-- She feeels angry, but
right now that’s the only emotion
she can identify.
"It’s him...... It’s a reminder
of what he did to me...... who he was.......
It’s a piece of evil."
Lucky feels his heart clench in
his chest. The words cut through him like a
razor and he can feel himself litterally
grimacing in pain.
"Am I evil?"
Elizabeth spins around taken aback
from his question. She stares at him
confused. The rooles are reversed
now and it is he who refuses to meet hir
gaze. He sits heavily on the floor,
defeated. His hollow laughter fills the
room.
"You know, ever since I found out
the truth..... I’ve spent almost every
minute of everyday with this.......
this fear inside me........ that
everyone knows who I really am,
and I don’t. You know...... like they can
see him in me... what I’m made
of.... and it scares them or they pity me so
much they’re afraid to tell me.......I
guess...... I guess I know now."
Elizabeth stares at Lucky, her eyes widening in realization and then horror.
"Oh Lucky! God no! That’s not what I meant!"
"Oh come on Liz! It’s exactly what
you meant! The child’s father is a rapist
therefore the child is just as
bad!"
He stands up and paces the room.
The fury has reached a boiling point inside
him and he feels like his heart
is pounding so fast and hard it might
explode.
"Lucky it’s not the same! You were
conceived in love..... this baby was the
result of violence and hatred!....."
"What difference dows it make?!
Huh?! As long as the kid is raised in love
what’s the difference?! It won’t
remember the night it was conceived! I don’
t!...... Thank god."
"*You* were raised in love! Surrounded
by it! And look, here you are today,
estranged from your family all
because of a rape-- a rape that happened
before you were born! Let’s face
it Lucky, when rape is the catalyst for a
child, it will never work."
Lucky wraps his arms around himself.
He feels cold and hot at the same time.
He knows his cheeks are flushed
with emotion, but a shiver begins to work it
’s way down his spine. He’s suceeded
in what he wanted..... he’s gotten her
to tell him her uncensored thoughts.
Her words are so honest it scares her
to know she’s said them. And standing
iin this storm of honesty he feels
like he’s been struck by lightening.
"So our children are hopeless? We
should just forget our wishes and dreams
for someday?"
Liz furrows her brow at him. She
doesn’t feel like she has the energy to
keep up with this emotional rollercoaster.
One minute Lucky is passionate,
yelling at her, ignited with an
intensity he usually reserves for his
parents-- the next he is quiet,
almost withdrawn. The questions come
restrained and gentle..... tenative,
like he fears her answer, but strong
and determined like he’s stating
the obvious to himself.
"Lucky, what do you mean?"
"Well, they may not be conceived
*in* an act of violence, but they would
exist *because* of it........ Elizabeth,
we came together because of
rape...... yours, my mom’s.......
we helped each other cope and supported
one another, and as we did, we
saw each other’s dark sides-- the things
about ourselves we dared not share
with anyone. It made us grow into one
another-- fall in love."
Elizabeth turns away. She can feel
her stomach churning, her emotions
becoming agitated. She knows the
anger is growing rapidly inside her, and
she can picture in her mind small
veins of fury snaking through her body
like a grape vine around an arbor.
Her increasing fear only acts like a
stimulant and the feeling produces
a sense of panic.
"Lucky! What the hell are you talking
about?! We are together because we
love each other!"
"YES! We are together *now* because
we love each other, but the reason we
became close enough to fall in
love is because of that night!"
"That’s not true......."
"Elizabeth think about it!......
I would have gone home from my date with
Sarah thinking of ways to get her
mind off of the prince of Transylvania,
and you probably would have continued
being pissed at me for ditching you!"
"I have never been mad at you for that night!"
"WELL YOU SHOULD BE!!"
Lucky breathes heavily trying to
gain some control over the fresh tears that
now spill onto his cheeks. The
self-hatred is so strong it litterally is
choking him. What-ifs are flooding
his mind and it makes him nauseauous.
What if he had taken her to the
dance that night? This never would have
happened to her. None of it. All
the pain she bore was his doing. She wouldn
’t have been alone in that park
at night..... raped...... pregnant......
pain...... love. Lucky squeezes
the back of the chair and bows his head. It
sounds so twisted, but it’s true.
Because of what that man did to her, he
fell in love with her. Not just
because of what he had just told her about
growing closer, but because it
changed *her*. After the rape she was not the
old Elizabeth who cheated and lied
and put up a bad girl front.... but the
girl he loved, He can’t tell Elizabeth
though.... She would hate him if she
knew he though that. He hates himself
for it....... He hates himself even
more for fearing her recovery.
The idea is sickening and he squeezes
the chair harder in an attempt to
force it out of his head, but still
the perturbation settles on him. What if
he loses the girl he loves? What
if she recovers into someone he can’t be
with? Will he turn into someone
as bad as the Quartermaines are with Jason?
Spend his life trying to turn her
back inot someone she isn’t? Turning her
back into a rape victim?
He screams in rage, flinging the
chair over in it’s back. He’s vaguely aware
of Elizabeth’s cry of shock and
fear but instead focuses on the chair laying
on the ground. He feels like he
must be the most selfish sonafobitch on the
earth. A hot flush of shame and
self-hatred washes his face. What makes him
any better than a rapist? At least
his abuse only lasts minutes...... it’s
not a lifetime of watching the
woman, fearing her recouperation.....
The door to the room swings open
and a middle-aged woman enters. She wears a
lab coat that looks stark white
against her chocolate brown skin. Her
dazzling smile quickly slides off
her face as she takes in the scene before
her. She eyes Lucky cautiously
and turns to Elizabeth.
"Is everything all right? Do you want me to call security?"
She watches the two from the safety
of the doorway. This isn’t that uncommon
to her. While it doesn’t happen
often, there are occasions when they get a
crazed husband, boyfriend, or ex,
racing in ranting and raving to have his
side heard.
Elizabeth watches the blurred figure
through her tears. Her throat works
convulsively against the tight
feeling overwhelming it. She knows she’s
supposed to reply-- to cry, or
scream, or show fear, but the only real adn
solid thought she can find running
through her head, is how desirable it
would be to just pass out.......
pass out and wake up far away from here.
She finds herself imagining it--
daydreaming about it and she can feel
herself floating away mentally--
an idea that would be desirable at any
other time then this. She grounds
herself quickly and opens her mouth to
reply, but is cut off by Lucky.
"It’s alright........ I was just about to leave."
He turns and reluctantly forces
himself to look at Elizabeth. She looks
scared, lost....... and he mentally
punches himself for being so harsh with
her, and allowing the argument
to turn into dangerous territory.
"Elizabeth....... That night......
two people were conceived..... and they
both belong to me."
Elizabeth locks eyes with him and
an instant understanding flows between
them. The counselor stands perplexed
in the doorway, suddenly feeling like
an outsider.
"Is it a multiple pregnancy?"
Lucky ignores the misguided question
and tears his eyes from Elizabeth’s. He
can’t stay here, he knows it, but
right now leaving feels like the hardest
thing in the world.
"I’m sorry."
He exhales, letting the words roll
out with his breath. He grits his teeth,
and turns away from her, pushing
his way past the woman and out the door.
Elizabeth watches his retreating
back, fresh tears overflowing her eyes. The
counselor closes the door behind
her and steps closer to Liz.
"Are you alright?...... Do you want
to procede?"
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