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*****
She sits alone in the dark room, typing furiously at the computer, occasionally pausing to scowl at the glowing blue screen.
Suddenly, she glances up, puzzled.
"Hey, aren’t I dead or something?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.
[Huh? ]
She clears her throat, "Umm..me…as in dead. As in now."
[NO you’re not.]
Pausing to think for a moment, she shakes her head emphatically "Duuude,
I was there. I felt it, I heard the snap myself. I’m
dead. Did you miss that episode?" She puts on a sympathetic smile,
"It was really good, I mean besides the fact that I died and
all."
[You’ve GOT to be kidding me]
"WHAT? Giles got to beat Angel with a flaming stick, and that’s always
fun to watch…oh, and the Dawson’s Creek episode
afterwards was pretty good too…Joey and Dawson are sooo cute together.
They’re absolutely perfect for eachother,"she
pauses, embarrassed, "Not that I actually *watch* that show or anything…Uh
I *heard* that it was good. Like, from a friend.
But not a good friend or anything….I mean….,"
[Look, you’re not dead. That was a mistake. Now shut up and keep typing.]
"Fine," she holds her hands up defensively, "No need to get all pissy,
It’s just really boring being dead for a week and all. No
one to talk to or gossip with. But I’ll just keep doing my thing…"
[Sorry, I’m just angsting about this whole deal and I want to get on with the story]
"Ohhhh, I get it. Is this another one of those ‘Angel-gets-his-ass-kicked-8-different-ways-in-retribution-for-being-such-a-jerk’
fics?"
[Umm ummmm..sorta but not really…Okay, yeah.]
She nods enthusiastically, "Cool, those can be so much fun….hey, do
I get to ax him or something? I think that ax Willow tried
to use on Xander is somewhere in the basement. No-wait, one of those
loony "Keeper" people has it, I think. Darn.
Nevermind. Actually, we could always-,"
"HEL-LOOO??" A dark shadow appears in the doorway.
" I’m am WAITING for my cue here, people!!! Can we get on with it? My
face is starting to hurt from doing this ‘fang thing’ for
so long…" Angel points at Jenny, "Look babes, I killed you already,
quit stalling the inevitable."
"UH excuuse me," she stands in irritation, her hands on her hips, "
*I* happen to be the victim in this room, so don’t go giving
me *your* attitude crap. Aren’t you supposed to be lurking in the shadows
outside or something? What are you doing in here?
You’re messing up her fic! Just get out there and wait your turn. Oh,
and another thing ‘babes’ why are you already in vamp
mode? That comes later, remember?"
"Oh..yeah," his face reverts back to normal, he gives her a sheepish grin, "Just hurry up, will ya?"
He leaves.
"Men," Jenny rolls her eyes skyward. "Okay, I’m cool…let’s take it from the top…"
[*sigh*]
*****
She sits alone in the dark room, typing furiously at the computer, occasionally pausing to scowl at the glowing blue screen.
Suddenly, she glances up, puzzled.
"Why don’t you turn the lights on? I mean, I can barely see in here.
My eyes are killing me from staring at the glare coming offa
this thing, and that’s saying a lot cause I’m dead."
[Will you SHUT UP about the dead thing? You are SO not dead, okay? Now
suck it up and get on with it. Oh, and if you want
the lights on, go turn em on yourself, YOU’RE the main character of
this fic, not me…]
She sighs rudely, "Y’know I really SHOULD turn some lights on..this
feels like a bad episode of the X-files." She glares
meaningfully.
[What the heck? *I* didn’t write this part..this is all Joss’s fault. Don’t look at me.]
She rolls her eyes and does her best Cordelia impression, "Yeah, WHAT-ever!"
Standing, she walks over to the wall and flips on the lights.
"Ahh….darling Jenny." Angel gives her an evil grin, "funny meeting you here…"
Her head jerks around and she gasps in horror at the dark figure seated
calmly at the back of the room. Her breath grows more
shallow as she backs into the wall, sheer terror etched in her dark
eyes.
He leans in suddenly and whispers, "How was that? Did that sound scary enough?"
Pause.
Her eyes widen.
"Angel you dork!!!" she shouts in an exasperated voice, dropping her
hands to her sides, "Cut it out! This isn’t a joke, we’re
trying to re-enact this! You’re screwing things up again!"
"Oh calm down, Jen," he snickers, "You’re dead, I’m dead, can’t we all just get along?"
"How come you didn’t pull stuff like this with Joss?"
He sobers up immediately.
"Joss is god."
"Don’t I know it…"
"Sorry, we can do it again. I’ll be nice, I promise."
"Geez," she gives him a withering glare, "Fine. Just go outside and
wait for your cue, oh, and next time, come in BEFORE I turn
the lights on," she sighs heavily, "Alright. Here we go again."
[*double sigh*]
*****
She sits alone in the dark room, typing furiously at the computer, occasionally pausing to scowl at the glowing blue screen.
Suddenly, she glances up, puzzled.
"Lights…I need lights…" she mutters under her breath.
Standing, she walks over to the wall and reaches for the switch…
"Ahh….darling Jenny." Angel gives her an evil grin, "funny meeting you
here…"< Nice shirt…it makes you look just like that
chic in the Prince video… >
Her head jerks around and she gasps in horror at the dark figure seated
calmly at the back of the room. Her breath grows more
shallow as she backs into the wall, sheer terror etched in her dark
eyes.
"Angel?…How’d you get in here?" she pauses to take in his tall, dark
figure.< Hmm….he’s pretty cute. I mean, Giles may be
my sexy fuddy duddy, but Angel’s still quite the hottie, even if he
IS a homicidal, obsessive maniac. Especially with that terrific
bod. …and those pants..those tight leather pants…oh wow…I wonder… >
[Sorry, Jenny, this is not that kind of fic]
< Damn >
She opens her mouth to continue and stops abruptly.
"Whoa! I SO didn’t just say that out loud. How did you know what I was thinking?"
[*shrugs innocently*]
"That’s not fair!!! *I* don’t know what *you’re* thinking! Is what I’m
thinking going into this fic too? That’s so embarrassing!
Someone should have warned me…"
"Why, what was she thinking?" Angel perks up immediately.
"You stay out of this," she hisses, turning a bright shade of pink.
"You were thinking naughty thoughts about me weren’t you?"
"NO!"
"Yes!!! Yes you were! I can tell by the look on your face." He bursts out laughing.
"Oh my GOD," she shrieks, outraged, "You are SUCH a conceited, self-centered, imbecilic basta-,"
"Yeah, you want me," he cuts her off with a smug smile.
"I do NOT want you!" she insists, horrified.
"Just admit it."
"I-I…" she sputters angrily, "I do NOT! Tell him! Tell him that I don’t want him. Tell him!!!"
[You’re right. She wants you]
"See?" Jenny pokes an irritated finger in Angel’s chest, "it’s like she says, I-WHAT?" she chokes off in horror.
"Giles is NOT going to be pleased with you…"
"That does it, you jerk, fic or no fic, your ass is mine."
Angel gives her a seductive smile, "Sure baby, anything you want."
She pulls a stake out from under her shirt.
His smile vanishes.
"Uh..that’s not fair," he gulps uneasily as she advances upon him slowly, a crazed look in her eyes.
[Jenny, stop. You’re getting ahead of yourself.]
"Y-Yes, listen to her…"
"No, I’m done listening to everyone, now I’m gonna have some fun."
She lunges for Angel. He jumps on a desk to evade her.
Chase ensues.
[Oh good grief]
Desks and papers fly into the air as Angel desperately tries to escape.
"What are you doing? Stop her!!!" he lets out a high pitched shriek.
"I can’t BELIEVE you killed me, you asshole!" she screams, hot on his
heels, "And after I was trying to HELP your sorry ass!
Screw you, you’re going down!"
[That’s it. Forget both of you. I’m just gonna go back and re-write
the scene from When She Was Bad with Willow and
Xander. A little more ice cream…minus the vamps…I’ve got a pretty good
smootchiefic. You two just aren’t worth the
aggravation.]
They both skid abruptly to a halt.
"No! Wait a minute,’ she quickly conceals the stake again, "Sorry, I just got a bit carried away. I’d like to try this again…"
"Yeah, I’d like to do this once more, too." Angel adds breathlessly,
"Especially because if I don’t, one of those scary SunS
fanfic people are gonna get ahold of me and-,"
"SMOOTCHIEFIC????"
All heads turn to the doorway.
"Ooooh I want smootchies!!!!" Willow bounds in, her red hair streaming behind her.
She stops.
"Jenny!" she cries, leaping into the other woman’s arms, "I’ve missed you!!!"
Xander trails in behind her.
"I’ve missed you too, Wills!" Jenny whispers softly.
"Hey, um, is this the ‘touching-tear-jerker’ segment of the fic?"
"Shut-up Angel."
Jenny rolls her eyes.
He sticks his tongue out at her.
Willow pulls away, a confused look on her face, "Since when do you and Angel want eachother?"
Jenny looks vaguely sick.
Willow raises her eyebrows, "Yeah, anyway, I love ya Miss Calendar and
I’ve missed you.. BUT I need smootchies. Write the
smootchiefic. I want one with Xander."
Xander looks mildly embarrassed.
[Uhh…Willow…]
"I don’t THINK so," Cordelia says, entering with an angry look on her face.
Willow looks thoughtful for a moment, "How about Oz?"
"Not if you’re just trying to get Xander jealous," the strawberry-blond haired boy says as he follows Cordy in.
"Call me Cordelia."
[Okay. Sorry.]
"How about….Angel?" Willow smiles seductively.
"Seabhaicin." Angel rushes for her.
"Bless you," Oz replies, smiling blankly.
"Seba-who?" Xander asks.
"It means ‘little falcon’," Cordelia supplies.
Everyone stops to stare at her.
She looks mildly embarrassed, but quickly recovers, "Oh, yeah, like the rest of you haven’t read it, too? PUH-leese."
Silence.
The uncomfortable look starts to return, "What? I never said I didn’t
like smootchiefic in general, just not Willow/Xander
smootchiefic. Can you blame me? I mean, he IS my boyfriend…"
More silence.
"Cut it out! Will everyone please stop staring at me?"
They continue.
"What the heck?"
Xander breaks off with a grin, "Sorry, I just enjoy making disturbing eye contact."
Cordelia sighs.
Xander shrugs.
Giles enters.
He looks around at the mass of people and looks like he’s about to launch
into a tirade about being out so late on a school night
when his eyes fall on Jenny.
"Oh, ahhh…Ms. Calendar, how nice to see you…" he says distractedly clutching
a briefcase and several sheets of paper to his
chest.
"Rupert!" Jenny cries, running into his arms, causing him to drop everything.
He smiles and hugs her, "A-are you alive now?" < that shirt…it makes her look like that girl in the Prince video… >
She pauses, ‘Well, not really," she replies carefully, " I mean Angel *did* kill me and all. I’m just here for a visit."
He shoots Angel a deadly look.
Angel shrugs.
"Well, perhaps we can find some way to properly resurrect you, now that you’re here."
"I don’t think that’s possible. I mean, unless there’s some act of God..or Joss, I think I’m pretty much staying dead."
"Now, now Jenny, you should really be more optimistic…"
He gives her another reassuring squeeze as he reaches into his briefcase…
"…even if we don’t resurrect you, I can always…"
he pulls out a flaming stick.
"KILL THE BASTARD WHO DID THIS TO YOU!" he hollers suddenly and takes off after the vampire.
Angel let out another girly shriek and runs for the window.
"Oh dear," Jenny sighs, "I was hoping for a good ‘Jenny and Giles get frisky’ scene. Guess not."
"Heh heh heh…Giles said ‘bastard’…heh heh heh…." Xander does his best Beavis impression.
Cordelia looks at him, "I fear you."
"Hey, um, guys? I still don’t get the whole ‘falcon’ thing."
"Oz, are you serious?"
"Yes."
"You mean to tell me that you haven’t read it yet?"
"Read what?"
"Oh dear. You poor deprived boy…Come on, prepare to be seriously enlightened."
Cordelia takes his arm and drags him to
the computer.
[Uhhh…listen everyone, as much fun as this is…]
"Ripper!"
Giles stops chasing Angel and turns around.
"Oh bloody hell, Ethan, how did you get in here?"
"It’s called a *door*, Giles."
"Don’t get smart with me, Ethan, I have a flaming stick, you know."
"Oh, I didn’t notice," he says with a smug smile.
Giles pauses, looks at the stick and then Ethan, "That does it." With
that, Giles takes off after Ethan, wielding the six foot long
stick.
"Good Lord! You know when you went wrong, Ripper? After those coffee
commercials. You got so *mean*." With that, he
spins on his heel and runs down the hall.
Angel’s face breaks into a relieved smile.
He leans against the wall, "Oh thank goodn-," he begins just as he gets accosted by Willow.
He lets out another girly scream.
"Angel, darling Angel, I love you even without your soul," she murmurs, throwing her arms around his neck.
"I love you too, Willow. And I’m sorry I killed your fish."
"No big deal, they were gummy fish anyway."
"Really?"
"Yeah, my parents won’t let me have a real pet."
"Don’t you have a dog?"
"Depends on who’s fic you’re reading."
"Oh…"
"So, Jenny, how are you doing?" Xander asks with a sly wink as sidles up to the pretty computer teacher.
"Umm, I’m dead, but otherwise, things are cool. Oh, and Xander, you can call me Ms. Calendar."
"So Ms. Calendar, did you see that episode of Dawson’s Creek a few weeks ago?"
"Oh you mean the one with Pacy and his…you know?"
"Yup."
"Yes, I did."
"So, what do you think?"
"About what?"
"A little bit of DC action?"
"Oh please, Xander! Absolutely not." she pushes past the hormonal teenager.
"But why? I’m so much cuter than Pacy…and we’re closer in age…" he continues desperately.
"Xander, what part of the word ‘No’ do you not under-,"
"EWWWWW!!! Willow, do your parents know that you’re doing this?" Oz
stares at her from the computer, a horrified look on
his face. He points at the screen, "Th-this is, like…," he swallows
hard, "I dunno..illegal or something."
"I started him on part 27," Cordelia says proudly.
"Wait til part 30, Oz," Willow responds before turning her attention back to Angel.
[THAT’S IT everyone but Jenny and Angel get out!!!!]
"B-but why?" Xander makes a puppy-dog face.
[Because this is distracting, irrelevant and makes absolutely no sense.]
"Oh."
[This wasn’t what I’d originally intended. Look guys, I’ll get to everyone at some point, you all just have to wait your turns.]
"Hey, what IS all this stuff?" Cordelia asks, standing over Jenny’s desk.
"What?" Jenny moves next to her.
"Well, there’s three knives, one gun, a whip, a crossbow, two stakes,
about five crucifixes, a staff, three vials of holy water,
silver bullets, a-hey, wait *silver bullets*? Those aren’t for vampires,
they’re for-,"
Oz runs screaming from the room.
[Sorry. My bad.]
Angel looks pale, "You ARE one of those crazy Sunnydale Slayers aren’t you?"
[*shakes her head*]
"Not to be irritating or anything, but can we get on with the smootchies???" Willow pipes up.
[Willow, I love you dearly, but not now. PLEASE…everyone out.]
"I NEVER get to have smootchies!" she whines.
[Willow…now is NOT the time to assert yourself…]
"I want smootchies!" She stamps her foot.
[Willow, cut it out, I have two midterms coming up and I don’t have time for th-]
"Nope, I’m not leaving until I get smootchies."
[Willow, please don’t do this.]
"Smootchies," she says firmly.
"What’s going on here?"
They all turn to see Principal Snyder standing in the door.
"Uh-oh, now we’re in trouble," Xander hides behind Angel.
"Ms. Calendar? Aren’t you supposed to be dead?" Snyder says harshly.
"Well..um..yes, but you see-,"
"In that case, all of you are trespassing, everyone out!" he points at the door.
"You think that conjuring up Snyder is going to make me give up my smootchies?
Think again." Willow smiles defiantly and
sticks out her chin.
[Then you’re not leaving?]
"Nope."
[*sigh*]
[ Willow, I’m sorry, but you asked for it…]
"Asked for what…?"
"WILLOW DARLING!" Snyder suddenly shouts, leaping for her, "I know it’s
against school rules and I’m about 30 years
older than you and that I’m a very unattractive, mean, trollish, little
man, but suddenly…I think I love you!"
Willow screams at the top of her lungs and races out of the room, Snyder following closely behind.
"Well, that was way harsh," Xander sits down.
[I know, and I’ll fix it..later. Everyone out.]
"I don’t think so, you can’t just kick us out of our own school. That’s
just so rude. YOU are OUR guest," Cordelia sits down in
a huff.
[Cordelia, so help me God, one more word, and I’ll resurrect the Inca Mummy Girl to give you a perm.]
"Okay, we’re outtie," grabbing Xander’s arm, she runs out the door.
[Finally]
"I’m sleepy," Angel yawns.
"Yeah, can we do this tomorrow? I’m not used to being alive and all. It’s tiring," Jenny stretches.
[Absolutely not. If I say yes, then we all know that we’re never going to finish this.]
"Oh all right." Angel yawns again.
"Well, can you at least make this a two parter? You know, give us a small breather before we actually go on?"
[Oh, all right]
"Thanks."
[No problem.]
*****
End part 1
"You're gonna end it here, huh?"
[Yeah.]